


The Art of Coming Out

by Ghosting_Around



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: "Straight", ;) get it, Alcohol, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Bisexual Male Character, Drugging, Ecstasy - Freeform, F/M, I'm not funny, Jeremy got musical talent, Jeremy needs help, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Misgendering, Online Friends, Panic Attack, Party, Partying, Swearing, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Tumblr, ao3 - Freeform, but not really, everyone else is straight, jared is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-17 06:01:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghosting_Around/pseuds/Ghosting_Around
Summary: Jeremy has a secret, he's Bi. It's not that big a deal, but it's his secret, so yeah, he's gonna get mad when someone threatens to tell everyone. Maybe coming out is harder than he thought.





	1. Chapter 1

It really came out of nowhere, Jeremy thought he was just going to have an extremely awkward talk with the school clown, but nope, it turned out to be a full on threat.

"I didn't know you were Bi." Jeremy stares at Jared Klienman, Senior, asshole and sarcasm supreme. Jeremy is holding his laptop under his right arm while the other fiddles with his earbuds in his left pocket.

"Why would I tell you in the first place?" Jared shrugs and shifts his feet. Jeremy stares at him while he places his backpack on the ground, only looking away to slide his laptop in. He had left it in advanced physics while people were hanging out after the test. Jeremy was in the corner since his friends were all acting insane, because they all knew they bombed the test.

Jeremy, thankfully, being the huge nerd he is, studied all night long. He pretty much aced the test so he was hanging out in the back corner of the room while writing an email to Jamaica. He had just finished composing it when he was hit with a tennis ball by Jenna, causing him to exact revenge on her for the rest of class. When the bell rang, Jeremy had forgotten all about his laptop and left class.

Halfway down the hallway, on his way to lunch, he realized his mistake and sprinted back to the class only to be stopped by Jared.

Jared had his laptop and gave it back to him, surprising Jeremy. He was going to walk away, but then Jared started making conversation, one-sided to be exact. Jeremy just stood awkwardly until Jared decide to mention his sexuality. Meaning he read his emails with Jamaica, meaning he also knows Jamaica's sexuality.

Who does he think he is? He can just look at anybody's email whenever he wants? Jeremy hadn't realized he had zoned out until he sees Jared's face with an expecting look on it. He blinks before rubbing his neck and saying, "sorry, I stopped listening a while ago, could you say that again?"

Jared seemed to have an internal face palm by his expression and starts talking again.

"It's cool that you're Bi, I don't judge." Jeremy blinks, wondering where this conversation could possibly go.

"I'm not going to show anyone, just so you don't get worried."

Wait.

What?

Jeremy stares at him, leaning forward with his mouth hanging open a bit with narrowed eyes.

"You took, a picture of my emails?" Jared looks down slightly, like he doesn't know exactly what he did wrong, but just shrugs.

"I said I won't show anyone, and I won't." Jeremy stares at him like he's the biggest idiot ever.

"But, you still took a picture." Jared swallows and rocks from his toes to his heels while speaking.

"Hey, so you're friends with Zoe Murphy right?" Jeremy scrunches his eye brows at the change of topic along with the question.

"Yeah I guess."

Zoe Murphy, a fellow junior, in many classes with Jeremy and probably the coolest person to exist on earth after Jamaica. She became friends with Jeremy last year when she joined the play along with her older brother Connor. Many of Jeremy's friends are actually in the play.

"Well, since you're friends with her, I was wondering if you would mention me to her, that would be awesome." Jared looks at a wall to his left and Jeremy just stares at him in more confusion and pissed off-ness.

"You're blackmailing me, so that you can get a chance, with Zoe Murphy?" Jared frowns, like he doesn't know that this is the definition of blackmail.

"I'm not gonna show anyone, just, mention me to her. Here, um," Jared takes out a pen from his binder and takes Jeremy's arm, he starts writing down his number on Jeremy's arm before he can even react. Jeremy doesn't even pull his arm away, and just watches as Jared runs away like a fucking coward. Jeremy stares at the number like it personally offends him, which it does. He walks to lunch after pulling his cardigan so it covers the entire number. It would be hard to explain to his friends, and he knows that Michael would torture him to no end about it.

He walks into the huge cafeteria and immediately walks down the lunch tables past all the screaming teens to his massive group of friends. Well, friends isn't exactly correct, more like, Jeremy's friends, friends. If that makes sense. He knows who most of them are, and he calls them friends, but they know nothing about each other. But Jeremy's real friend are sitting very close to him. First would be Michael Mell, he sits on Jeremy's right. Jeremy's male, Gay best friend since the third grade.

Jeremy is a little surprised at how Michael is there before him, because he leaves campus to get his lunch and comes back. His seat always ends up being saved, but he's here before Jeremy today.

"Jere, what took you so long? Brooke had to defend my seat alone." Oh, so Jared is to blame for him being late, makes sense. Jeremy plops down in his seat and looks forward to see the bright blonde head of hair that belongs to Brooke Lohst.

Brooke is Jeremy's female best friend. They've known each other since the fourth grade. Fourth grade was a good year, Jeremy had gotten a new record of friends.

"Just left my laptop in physics, had to run and get it." Brooke doesn't even look up from her homework since she forgot to do it last night. She furiously circles a few with much frustration and seems to let out a breathe.

She looks up, and slides her paper to him while smiling with a pleading look. Jeremy takes her pencil along with half of her pop tart and does the problems she can't. Michael tries to sneak a piece from Jeremy's hand but receives an elbow to the gut in punishment.

It's not that Jeremy is smarter than his other friends, it's just that he has a whole lot more time to study compared to them. Also the fact that he knows how to study affectively. This, along with the facts that he reads while walking, has watched all the seasons of Doctor Who(by that he means since the first doctor) and doesn't enjoy partying results with his friends dubbing him as the nerd of the group.

Jeremy had just finished the three problems Brooke couldn't do when Christine came and sat next to Brooke. The seat next to Brooke is usually filled by Alana, but she helps in the library on Wednesdays, so she's not here.

Christine dramatically spins and gracefully lands on the creaky seat while flipping her hair like a model. Jeremy grins and leans on his elbows to hear her over the loud crowd of students.

"The play sheets are up! You all know what that means? The most wonderful time of the year is about to begin, and I don't mean Christmas." She looks at Jeremy directly in the eye like she personally offended him, "did you understand that? Cause there's a song about Christmas where a guy sings it's the most wonderful time of the year, but you might not get that cause you're Jewish, so that would-"

She cuts herself off and bites the inside of her mouth, effectively apologizing for her rambling without even saying anything. Michael has officially tuned out and Brooke has started a conversation with Eliza, which is more like a shouting match because they're two seats apart from each other.

It doesn't really matter if they're listening, neither of them are in the play. Jeremy joined theatre freshman year to get more genuine friends, which is where he met Christine.

"So, I looked at all of the sign-up sheets and they all look full! We're gonna have such a big production, I'm so excited." She already has out her pen and is drawing on her hand, which is something she does all the time. Seeing Christine without pen markings on her is like seeing Sherlock without Watson, very uncommon.

Was it mentioned that Jeremy is a huge nerd?

Jeremy scoots forward so the bottom of his rib cage is placed on the edge of the table while saying "Mr.Reyes is gonna be stressing out, like, with all the kids that are joining, he might actually have to think about casting." He thinks back to when he first joined, the man basically did nothing the entire time.

Christine rolls her eyes, even though she knows it the truth. Every year, Christine gets lead role, give the Seniors all other important roles and screw the rest of the kids.

Brooke has apparently ended her shouting match with Eliza and has tuned into their conversation, "you know, with more kids, there's more competition. That means you might not get the lead role, Chris."

Christine blinks and stares at the table like she's going to have a heart attack, but then she bops up again and starts on a tangent to Brooke about how Lin-Manuel Miranda chose who he casted, in which Jeremy tunes it out because he already knows, being a huge Hamilton fan himself.

Michael is having a paper football war with Rich, getting absolutely destroyed, but couldn't possibly look happier. Jeremy smiles and grabs one from his Michael's small stack and sends one flying straight into Rich's lap. Michael glances back at him and gives him the stink eye before firing one straight at Rich's face. Sadly Rich dodges it, letting it soar to the floor behind him.

Jeremy goes silent and watches the war continue as Rich mercilessly attacks and Michael begs for it to stop. It's hilarious, but doesn't serve as a very good distraction.

Jared must be out of his goddamn mind if he thinks, that Jeremy is going to help him in anyway possible in getting Zoe. This is wrong and messed up on so many levels.

Jeremy's sexuality is a private thing, only he has the right to tell anyone. Not only does he have Jeremy's identity at risk, but also Jamaica's. Sure, he doesn't even know Jamaica's name or what he looks like or anything, but kids are jerks, and some guy or gal could recognize the email.

To anyone who may be confused as to who Jamaica is, Jamaica is Jeremy's online pen pal. A closeted pansexual and close friend of Jeremy's. The only thing is that neither of them know who the other is. They email each other and know they go to the same school, but never mention anything that could give their identity away.

But that will be explained more later.

Does Jared think that they can pretend to be friends? Sure, Jeremy's known him longer than anyone else in this school, but it doesn't mean they like each other.

Jared was Jeremy's step-brother, Evan's only friend when Jeremy moved to this town. Evan is four years older than Jeremy, making him three older than Jared.

Evan would babysit Jared, since they're family friends. Jared never really needed a babysitter, but hanged out with Evan since neither had many friends. When Jeremy showed up, he became apart of the babysitting nights and got to know Jared slightly better. They never really talked to each other.

In the beginning of Evan's Senior year of high school, Jared and him got into a huge fight. Jeremy remembers his dad and Heidi standing at Evan's door as he heard muffled cries from the other side. They never made up and Jeremy never found out what it was about.

Now, here they are, three years later, and Jared is the same asshole. Jeremy stares at the number messily written on his arm, and decides, that it's better to put the number in his phone now then to lose it and actually have to talk to Jared again.

He dials the number in quickly, with no one really looking at him and decides to name it Jerk's Dick. A pretty good nick name.

Jeremy finishes his half poptart and watches as Michael stares at Rich with absolute adoration as he balances a book on his head while hanging a spoon on his nose. Michael seems to be taking in all of Rich, like he's taking a picture with his mind. Crushes are adorable.

Brooke glances at Michael and immediately whips her face to the other side of the table. She bites her lip and Jeremy internally winces, some crushes are more painful to watch.

Only god knows how Jeremy Heere ended up sitting at a table full of nice people in his Junior year of high school. The popular people and the nerds are all scattered around, not really clumped together. This isn't Mean Girls.

Zoe Murphy can always be caught next to her older brother. They used to hate each other apparently, but over the winter break a few years ago, something changed and Zoe became a lot more protective and friendly with her brother. Connor did the same as well.

Connor, is actually very, very pretty. Jeremy had to pull his eyes away at the beginning of the year when he first saw Connor with long hair. Jeremy sees all these girls falling over the athletic guys, which he totally understands, but something about tall boys with long hair just make him melt.

Moves his gaze away from the people to his right and looks over to Brooke's people. Most of the soccer team is on Jeremy's left at lunch.

Brooke is currently talking with Johnny, who is probably to spunkiest guy on the face of the earth. Both sides of the conversation are agreeing on how the English teacher is an asshole.

Jeremy simply rolls his eyes and lets his mind drift away to the thought of Jerk's Dick again.

What the hell is Jeremy going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!


	2. Emails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I forgot to give an explanation at the beginning of this story. This is a Be More Chill alternate universe of Simon vs The Homo Sapiens agenda. To understand this story you don't need to have read the book, though I do recommend it, it's really good.
> 
> Anyway, some may be confused by the sexualities of everyone. This is all in Jeremy's point of view, as far as he knows, everyone except for Michael, Jamaica and himself are straight. This doesn't mean that's completely true, because some people simply are not out. 
> 
> Jamaica is the pen name for Jeremy's online friend. His pen name is Xander, as you will see in the chapter.

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Sep 20 at 4:30 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Minecrap

Xander,

No matter how many times you try to convince me, Minecraft is in the past. Kids have stopped playing it. Sorry if you think that it's cool (it's not), but don't try to talk about how badass you are at finding diamonds. Is it even possible to be badass at the game Minecrap? Just another reason to believe your the biggest nerd ever.

School is annoying, not hard, just annoying. It's like your mom, always telling you what to do and you know that it's for the best but you always end up ignoring her. I mean, my moms nothing like that, she's cool, but my friends complain about their moms. I tried to stop listening to them when one person mentioned how she found a used condom on the kitchen table. 

Yeah, your welcome for that mental picture. 

Anyway, is school hard for you? Probably not, based on your vocabulary and grammar, you're definitely that kid that tucks his shirt into his jeans. Which I think is adorable and extremely weird at the same time.

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Sep 20 at 7:42 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Minecrap

Jamaica, 

You know what? I'm done, I don't care what anyone says, Minecraft is cool. It's even more cool since I play it. I own that game, I made that game my bitch. Playing it actually reminds me of when I was little, which is always fun and not fun to think about. Like, sure, I was a cute kid, but I did incredibly stupid things, like many other kids.

School has always been easy for me. Free time plus actually enjoying classes equals more studying. I know, I'm going to regret this, but I actually did tuck in my shirt until freshman year. No one stopped me, and on the first day of high school, in theater class, I kid you not, a girl came up to me, grabbed my shirt from my pants and pulled it out. 

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how I developed my first crush. 

Never tucked my shirt in ever again, just to please her, but after the end of the year, I almost threw up at the thought of kissing her. Crushes are very strange.

For the mom thing, I guess, but my stepmom trusts me. She never really has to ask about my grades, this results in her asking me about everything else in my life, but at least she doesn't nag.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Sep 22 at 7:21 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Minecrap

Xander,

I knew it! Now I just need to look for a guy in the halls that looks like he could have been a nerd in freshman year and has amazing grades! Not that hard. Winky face emoji.

Interesting way to develop a first crush, but better than not having one at all, I guess? Never had a crush before, the only reason I had a girlfriend was because she wanted to date. I just agreed because I thought I could make it work. Apparently not, about 6 or 7 breakups and get togethers later, we finally decided to end it for good. 

We're friends now, so you'll never know who I am, hehe. 

By the way, little kid crushes are adorable. My little sister came home the other day and went on a 5 minute rant on how some cute Mexican kid needs to marry her in 3 days or else she'll die of heartbreak. Do you know how adorable/annoying it is to watch a little girl dance around the house screaming her crushes name?

Long story short, I got a headache.

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Sep 24 at 4:57 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Minecrap

Jamaica,

I've never dealt with little kids before, but I can bet that they suck to deal with. Screaming children aren't really my thing, I'd rather sit in silence. (Silence will fall)

You're lucky to never have had one, yet, unless you're lying which is totally possible. But I refuse to believe that, so I'll say that I probably had a crush on her because she was one of two girls who actually knew I existed back then. 

Being friends with girls, with my experience, always seems to land me with more friends. Like, I meet them, and then later they invite me to hang out with other people and then boom! I now know six people in less than five minutes.

Quick question, have you ever listened to a song only one time, then hear it a few months months later and remember the entire lyrics? It happened the other day to me and I freaked. Not sure if it's natural or not.

Hopefully I'm not a freak.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Sep 24 at 10:13 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Minecrap

Xander,

Nope, I have a horrible memory with everything. I can barely remember my own birthday sometimes. But I guess that's a good and bad talent, cause it's cool if you like the song, but if not, then that sucks. 

Yeah, girls have a habit of traveling in packs. Not sure why, maybe it makes them more powerful or something. But if your friends with 1 girl, you get to know her entire posse. It's neat and overwhelming at the same time.

I should be doing equations, but I would much rather email you. Ugh, the guilt is eating me, I need to finish this goddamn worksheet. 

From,  
Jamaica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know how readers work, with me being one myself. I'm going to ask for people to NOT guess who Jamaica in the comments. It ruins the story for others if they are pretty sure who Jamaica is.
> 
> Jamaica is not limited to the BMC crew, they could be anyone one of the characters that is mentioned. Jamaica's gender isn't even fully confirmed, so they could be a guy or a girl.
> 
> If someone does want to guess who Jamaica is, you can go on Tumblr @singmesomething and ask me who they are.
> 
> I doubt anyone will actually care to do this, but if they do, who ever guesses correctly first will be announced when Jamaica is revealed. Idk, I'll give them a prize fanfic of their choice or whatever. 
> 
> But then again, I doubt anyone will actually care to do that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, don't hate because I've never written a trans character before. It will come up more often in later chapters, but if I get something wrong or do something offensive, please tell me in the comments!

Waking up to his friend calling him over ten times is not Jeremy's ideal morning. But today is the first play rehearsal, so he can't really blame Christine for being excited. The auditions were two days ago and Mr.Reyes had already given out parts. Christine got the lead, which was a no-brainer, Johnny got the male lead and everyone else got minor roles. Jeremy's part doesn't have a single line. He doesn't really care though, theatre is still fun. The rush of everyone panicking over lines at the last minute then pulling it together somehow always is fun to watch and experience. It's cool even though some people in theatre aren't cool, like Jared Klienman.

It's been a week since Jared blackmailed him and he's been avoiding him ever since.

Anyway, spanish is his most fun class. Jeremy's friends are all in there and the teacher is super fun. Also it's the period where everyone trades homework and copies off each other.

Jeremy hands his history homework to Rich as he glances at Christine's chemistry since he forgot to do the last problem. Michael is in the corner with Alana, furiously studying for his ELA quiz. It's a natural sight in this class.

"So Zoe told me the other day that she finally listened to Hamilton after all this time of me begging her." Jeremy turns off his phone after scrolling through his Tumblr feed one last time and gives his attention to Christine. It's hard to only half-listen to her since she talks so fast.

"Yeah?" Jeremy rests his jaw on his palm and watches as Christine finishes the drawing of a cat on her hand.

"Oh yeah, I mean, I understand that it might take her a while to listen to it since it's got forty eight songs, but I asked her before school even started!" Jeremy gives her a look while she finishes the whiskers on her cat.

"She hasn't even memorized all of songs, which, I guess is natural for me, but not for other people." Jeremy remembers the first time he listened to the soundtrack, he played his favorite songs on repeat and went to school the next day for Christine to quiz him over it and give her opinions on the songs.

"It's easier for people to remember 21 Chump Street songs since it's only fifteen minutes. Maybe Zoe would like that musical! Or maybe not, since her brother, you know..."

Yeah, it's pretty well known that Connor Murphy does or did drugs. Maybe recommending a musical about them could hit too close to home for Zoe.

"Well, she likes it right?" Christine rolls her eyes.

"Of course she does! Who doesn't like Hamilton?"

"Southerners?"

She smacks his arm lightly and chuckles. The bell rings and she rushes out with her many binders of stuff in her arms. Jeremy waits for Michael to walk out with.

"I'm gonna fail." Jeremy slings an arm around Michael shoulders as they walk to ELA.

Michael puts an arm around his waist, "nah, I saw you studying with Alana like a madman. You'll do fine." Michael groans and rubs his eyes as they walk into their class, separating to plop into their seats.

The quiz is relatively easy, and he can tell Michael thinks that too from his relatively still legs.

Play rehearsal is about an hour to an hour and a half long. In the first few rehearsals, it's not usually much. Just Mr.Reyes giving out scripts and telling the kids what they're committed to. He usually drones on for a while, so the older kids will sneak away, leaving the underclassmen to suffer.

Christine actually stays behind to keep the kids in order, but Jeremy runs out of there as fast as he can with Johnny, Liz, Madeline, Zoe and Connor. They all head to the stage, with Johnny and Liz racing each other there, and the others walking.

Jeremy keeps his hands in his pockets as he stares at the back of Connor Murphy's head. His hair looks really soft, like a puppy's fur, but pretty.

That's makes no sense, but Connor Murphy's soft-looking hair doesn't either.

Plenty of Juniors and Seniors are hanging out in the performance hall. Liz squeals at seeing her boyfriend and runs into his arms. Madeline rolls her eyes and follows her after she waves goodbye to Jeremy. He walks onto the stage where a few people are just hanging out or are on their phones. He glances around and remembers the last time he was in this stage, he almost had a giant cactus fall on him. The school is actually very generous when it comes to the arts department. So much that the stage has a catwalk. Jeremy's favorite part about the stage is the catwalk. Since he's a skinny twig, he can just pull on a rope and go flying up. It's usually fun, accept for when Christine scolds him for not being safe.

Jeremy runs over to a rope dangling in the corner and glances up to check if the coast is clear. All good, he yanks down with a tight grip with both hands and goes shooting up. He watches as he gets closer to the catwalk and lands with a grace that he normally doesn't have. He smirks and squats underneath the railing while holding onto the bar and gets on the side he should be on. Jeremy walks to the center of the catwalk and turns on a light so he can see where he's going.

"Yo! Jeremy? Get back down here!" Jeremy stops in his tracks and leans over the railing to see Zoe on the stage, blindly looking for him. He walks over to the rope and slides back down, scaring the shit out of her.

She playfully glares and walks over to him. "How did you do that?" Jeremy looks at the rope and back at her, she can probably do it herself.

"It's not that hard, just hold onto the rope and yank, you gotta keep a tight hold though." She moves to go to the rope, but Jeremy gets in her way. She could do it, but no right now, Zoe doesn't know what she's doing.

"Yeah, I bet you can rope fly, that's what I call it, but I suggest you get lessons from Justin." Zoe sighs and looks around the stage.

"Is he the guy that taught you?" Jeremy nods his head. "Ok, you know where he is?" Jeremy shakes his head.

Zoe shakes her head disappointingly, "damn." She sits down on the stage and leans against the palms of her hands. Jeremy goes Indian style in one swift move.

"What's your part?" Jeremy shrugs.

"One where I do basically nothing. You?"

"Same."

"Mr.Reyes must have something against us." Zoe scoffs and looks at him with half-lidded eyes.

She looks him up and down, "yep, he hates beans and bitches, won't give them any important part under any circumstances."

Jeremy rolls his eyes at the name, "at least your the bitch, I'd prefer to be a bean any day."

"Bean."

"Bitch."

"What did you just call her?"

Both of them turn to Jerk's Dick, or Jared. Jeremy turns his head away with a sour look in his face. Is this guy seriously trying to defend her when they where joking?

Zoe smiles shyly and says,"it's fine Jared, we were playing around." Jeremy can feel Jared stare at the back of his head and rolls his eyes heavily.

"Ok, just, don't say that." What the hell is wrong with this guy, he wants to play hero for a situation in which he has made himself the villain. And now Zoe's the hero because she's the one who's telling him to shut up.

God, just shut up Jared.

Jeremy glances back to Jared and sees him sitting down and he take that as his cue to leave. "I'm gonna leave early, my ride is here." Zoe looks at him with a silent pleading look and Jeremy runs out of there with his backpack as fast as possible. He actually has no ride, but he promised to meet Brooke and Michael so they could hang today. So he's heading to Michael's house right now, thankfully he doesn't live that far away, so it's not a long walk.

Five minutes later, he's walking through Michael's front door and hopping up the stairs to Michael's room. Music is already blasting and Jeremy rolls his eyes at the song, it's Tiny Dancer. Not that he doesn't love the song, it's just always on when Michael is in the area. He opens the door and sees Brooke and Michael splayed out on the floor, both working on homework. Jeremy plops down and pulls out his Hamilton biography and starts reading the second to last chapter.

Brooke doesn't even look at him, "why you here early?"

"Rehearsal was pointless."

Michael snorts, "isn't it always?" Jeremy rolls his eyes and they fall into a comfortable silence. Well, music is playing, but no words are spoken.

No words need to be said because they just like to be with each other. Name Of Love comes on and Brooke sets her homework down to sing along and make dramatic faces.

It's around five o'clock when Jeremy and Brooke finish their work, and six when Michael does. Jeremy continues reading his book while Brooke and Michael furiously hit the 'A' button on their controllers to kill zombies.

Besides Christine and Jamaica, they're the only friends he has that he knows he can be honest. He can be himself and no one will judge him.

Well, that kind of makes him a hypocrite. Especially since the only person he has come out to is a stranger (not a stranger, a lovely and wonderful person, but does not know Jeremy's name, and Jeremy does not know their name). And only a handful of people know that he's trans, Jamaica is not in that handful.

Yeah, Michael and Brooke have already figured out that he's trans. He never officially told them, but they never questioned him when he didn't change in front of them or anything like that. He's glad that he doesn't have to directly come out.

But about coming out as Bi, he has no idea why he hasn't told anyone. Sure, he knows they would accept him, hell, Michael's gay ass would throw him a parade if he could!

It's just, something that's terrifying about it. It would change everything, because for the longest time, it's been a gay Michael, straight Jeremy and straight Brooke. What the hell would happen if Jeremy changed that?

He knows it's irrational and stupid, but he can't help it.

So he sits in silence and hopes for the best.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Jeremy is OOC a bit because of his nerdiness and tendency to study. 
> 
> Also, there is no doubt in my mind that Michael masterbaits too. Just putting it out there for those people who say he's too pure for that.

The bell rings and Jeremy prays that he isn't noticed as he slips into the computer lab. If there's one thing that Jeremy hates the most, it's a tardy. The walk of shame when coming into class late makes his heart race. Thankfully the teacher doesn't give a fuck and lets him collapse into a random computer desk.

Right next to Connor Murphy.

Jeremy visibly jolted from his relaxed state, banging his knee against the desk and knocking his notebook to the floor. Connor looks at him with an amused smile and picks up the notebook. "You ok?" Jeremy nods his head and takes his notebook with a thankful and apologetic smile. God he's an idiot.

Computer science is one of Jeremy's favorite classes, it's easy, simple and more fun than any other class. It's also a good chance to stare at Connor Murphy from afar. But now Connor Murphy is literally two feet away from him, and Jeremy restricts himself from touching his hair. Seriously, he needs to get over himself, it's just hair.

"Is there something on my head?"

Jeremy blinks and makes eye contact with Connor's dark blue eyes, and he can feel his face heating.

"What, no, why do you ask?" Connor leans back in the chair and bounces his legs.

"You were staring at my head." Oh, right.

Jeremy shrugs, playing it off, "just zoning out."

The rest of class passes and Jeremy tries to avert his gaze from Connor's incredibly blue eyes. The bell rings and Jeremy dashes out of class with both of his shoes untied. Dirty looks are thrown as he flies past students in a blur, barely avoiding not body checking them to the ground.

"Ah! Ah! Mr.Heere, slow down." Jeremy abruptly stops and smiles guiltily at Mr.Green, the choir director. The man is around sixty and has a balding head, but can sing like he's on Broadway. Jeremy met him when he joined the musical, Mr.Green helps Mr.Reyes when he's free.

Mr.Green folds his arm and leans against the wall, giving Jeremy a disapproving look, "you, are going to fall, get over here and tie your shoes young man."

Jeremy makes his way across the hall through the crowd of students to Mr.Green, he tilts his head and smirks, "is that a play on my last name Mr.G?"

He bends down and places his stuff on the floor before tying both of his shoes, he hears Mr.Green chuckle.

"Yes, I assume you're used to that." Jeremy gives him a look that says obviously and picks up his stuff.

"I would love to stand and chat, but I have places to be and people to see, see you later Mr.G!" Jeremy speed walks away from him while Mr.Green waves his hand dismissively.

It took him a bit to realize that he rhymed that entire sentence. Mr.Green is actually the only person outside of his family that knows that he's more musically talented then he lets on. Thanks to his mother, he knows how to play the piano and the ukulele. Mr.Green found him messing around backstage with one, and gave him a few tips.

Jeremy slides into his desk across from Michael. The class is buzzing with kids talking and doing random shit on their phones before the death bell rings. The teacher walks in, he's a young man and very popular with most of the students. He's 'the cool teacher,' and Jeremy hates him. The guy only likes people who are in PALS since he runs the club and doesn't care for anyone else. Michael and him seem to be the only people who realize this.

Michael and him slide notes to each other discussing plans on how to show the school how much Mr.Drickson sucks. Jeremy always ends up tearing the paper at the end of class in fear of being reported to the police for threatening to take a video of him 'accidentally' falling down the stairs.

"Rich got a tattoo over the weekend." Jeremy looks up at Michael with a cocked eyebrow.

"Where?" Michael looks like he's about to answer, but then he looks at Jeremy's face and smacks his best friend's arm.

"I hate you, he got it on his back. Stop it, you dirty minded freak. He was showing it off at lunch, you would have seen if you weren't reading." Jeremy sticks a pen behind his ear to look smarter, and no other reason besides that. His right ankle is bouncing on his left knee while he watches Michael try to stuff his papers into one pile.

"Well, at least you'll have memories to jerk off to." Michael whips his pen at Jeremy with Batman speed, making Jeremy jolt and snicker at the same time.

"Oh you total hypocrite, like I don't see you staring at Liz, she's prime masterbation material. At least for all you hetero boys. If I was into girls, I'd be into Liz." Jeremy smiles at him and for a second almost forgets he's Bi.

Which is really stupid because his sexuality is something he spends most of his time thinking about nowadays. It's just, he was so sure he was straight, it's hard to get out of the mindset that he's not.

Of course when he sees a person like Connor Murphy, he forgets the definition of straight. The class ends, the school day ends, and theatre practice was canceled due to Mr.Reyes throwing up all over the stage. So Jeremy walks home and listens to Vocaloid on repeat.

Heidi and his dad are both home today before him. His dad finishes whatever he needs to do at the office at home so that he can spend time with Heidi on her off day. The house smells like failed pasta, "dad, did you burn the tomato sauce? Again?" He rounds the corner to see his father looking totally lost as a pot of boiling water sit on the stovetop and a bowl of red sauce, that looks like it's about to turn into lava, sits on top of a washcloth.

Heidi comes scrambling into the kitchen with oven mits, she smiles at Jeremy and puts on a brave face as she takes the bowl of tomato sauce and pours it into the sinks, leaning back to avoiding it splashing back on her. She places the bowl in the sinks and turns around with a tired and relieved face.

The cat is laying down on the floor against the fridge, looking like she's judging everyone, which she probably is. Jeremy walks over and crouches to scratch behind her ears.

"Do you really need to ask?" Heidi smacks his dad in the stomach while going to turn of the stovetop. His dad rubs the back of his neck.

"Sorry, just forgot to pay attention." Jeremy rolls his eyes and sits in the floor to pet Toothless, the cat.

See, when Jeremy was ten, Heidi got him a cat as a 'Thank you for accepting me as part of your family' gift. They wanted to get a dog, but when they went to the shelter, they only had tiny dogs that most people put in jackets when it's cold outside. So Jeremy decided to look at the cats, and saw the biggest cat he'd ever seen. According to the people at the shelter, the cat was a Bengal cat, and basically acts like a dog. It's the biggest domestic cat and needs walks. Jeremy fell in love.

Every one of Jeremy's friends have met Toothless, and they all adore her.

He lets Toothless clean his finger with her tongue before grabbing a granola bar and dashing up to his room.

Three hours later, and he's done with all homework. Lying on his bed, he sighs and rolls of to unplug his computer to open it up on his desk and go through Garage Band.

Before he can open up his project, his phone goes off. It's Rich.

"How goes it?" Jeremy leans against his bed while stretching his legs across the carpet.

"It goes."

"Cool, so I wanted to know if you're going to the party on Friday." Jeremy scrapes his tongue against the tip of his teeth.

"No, I'm not going." Rich seems to let out a sigh.

"Cmon man, I really want people that I know to go. I have to go and it would be a whole lot more fun if I'm familiar with others." Jeremy keeps going through his laptop with one hand.

"Ask Mike. He'll love to go." He really would.

"He said he would go if you went." Oh course Michael would say that, because he knows that Jeremy isn't going to. So Michael clearly doesn't want to go for some stupid reason.

"Well, I'm not going, invite somebody else."

"Please man-"

"Rich, I said no." That came out with more force than he meant, but he doesn't correct himself.

"Jesus, what are you, on your period?" Rich hangs up and Jeremy finds himself frozen.

He's not going to explain the thoughts that run through his head, but it's not that hard to figure out.

Jeremy runs his hand over his binder and blinks back tears. It's just a little comment, he should get over himself.

His hands are shaking and Jeremy lets his arms drop. The phone landing on the floor with a quiet thump. He refuses to let tears fall from his face and swallows thickly as he grabs his phone and calls the best person to calm him down.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Cmon Evan, please answer me." Jeremy whispers under his breathe and bites on his tongue to not word vomit everything he wants to say.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Evan's not answering and Jeremy is desperate. He places the phone on the floor and tries to take deep breathes and count to ten.

One, two, three, four, five, s-

Ring.

Ring.

Evan's calling him.

Jeremy scrambles to pick up the phone and presses the answer button a bit harder than normal, but this isn't normal.

"Hey, Jeremy, I saw you were calling. Are you ok?" Jeremy smiles at how easily Evan can read through the lines.

"Um, yeah, well, no, but can you just, I-um." Jeremy takes a deep breathe to gather his words. "A guy made a comment about me being on my period."

"Oh, Jeremy. I'm so sorry, do I need to call mom or-"

"No! He's a friend, and he doesn't know so it's not his fault, I just, I started to freak. It's really stupid." Evan seems to sigh and he hears Evan sit down on something.

"It's not dumb if it made you upset Jeremy. So, do you want me to talk?" Jeremy puts his step-brother on speaker and leans his head back.

"Please."

By the end of the night, Jeremy's practically forgotten about what Rich said and is reminded about how grateful he is for having Evan.


	5. Emails

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Sep 30 at 7:11 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Jamaica,

Yes, I do see your point on keeping the fandom alive and stuff, but I don't think they need this many movies. The three prequel ones sucked more than any gay smut I've read. And I read a lot. 

I'm going to see the new movie, yes, but I think they need to stop soon. Eight movies with three different plots and changing characters is too much. I love Star Wars, but I prefer the original three.

Anywho, I finished my project thing I've been working on. Well, not finished, it needs a few touches, but I'm almost there.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Sep 30 at 8:34 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Xander,

You do realize that the people making Star Wars aren't really doing this for the fans, but the money. Unlike most people, I do enjoy the sequels AND the prequels. Yes, I do like the prequels, JarJar is hilarious. Fight me.

Also, don't forget about the side stories like Rogue One and the Solo movie coming out. Like, how could you not want a movie that's just about Han Solo? Keep up behavior like this Xander and I might have to stop being your friend

And congratulations on the project. Maybe when your officially done you can send it to me? Please?

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 1 at 5:57 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Jamaica, 

Nice try, I'll send you the recording without lyrics. No one wants to hear my voice. 

[link.to.the.project.]

By the way, you're going to the movies right? If you are, get popcorn with licorice bites. It's heaven, I swear. 

If you can't tell, I love licorice, it's my favorite. My friend was once cruel and told me that they were going to be shut down and stop making it. I started crying. 

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Oct 2 at 6:43 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Xander,

Ok, you caught me, I really wanted to hear your voice. I bet it sounds really nice. And also, what the fuck???!!! This is like,,,,, really good! How long have you been working on this song? Like, I'm blown away, seriously man.

I'm taking my little sister to see the movie. She's been begging all week, and it's kind of hilarious to see her try to use the force to get me to pick her up. 

While I do like popcorn (obviously), I'm not sure if licorice would taste good with it. I'm on the fence about it. I share those new Sweet Tart ropes, those are the best. 

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 3 at 2:23 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Jamaica, 

Thanks for liking it, I've been working on it for like, 2 years? Maybe? I don't know how many times I've changed it, but it's been a lot. I got a lot of it done over the summer. 

Your taking your sister, to the movies, cute. You're cunt.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 3 at 2:25 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Cute! I meant Cute! Not cunt, you are not a cunt, I swear.

Typing on my phone sucks.

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Oct 3 at 5:37 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Stap Wars

Hehe. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Jeremy made is I Like Me Better by Lauv. (Yes I did change the song for those that read it before the edit, I just felt like this one would make more sense in the end.)
> 
> Sorry, I was going to update yesterday, but something happened and I didn't have the heart to write at the time.


	6. Chapter 6

PE is universally known as the worst class for anyone who doesn't play a sport. Jeremy honestly thinks that everyone should protest against PE. He'll make the signs, Christine can color them with her collection of sparkly pens, Brooke can roll her eyes but still protest louder than anyone while Michael just shouts "I'm gay!" It could definitely work. 

First thing that sucks, he has to change in the nurse office, and lots of guys in his class look at him weirdly when he walks into the gym with them. No one actually asks, because they think it's rude, but the stares make him more self conscious. Every once and a while he considers flipping them off but something stops him, maybe his decency or some shit like that. 

The other things that suck include running, having to learn about sports, playing pointless games to "keep them in shape" and running, so much running. Another reason to protest, he should make a list. 

Justin Laboy, the one guy in his PE class that actually talks to him is running(there it is, yet again) up to him now. "Yo Jere, how you doing?" He plops on the bleachers next to him, laying back and watching the group of guys play basketball on the court. 

"Pretty good, you?" 

"It's all good."

Jeremy nods his head and snickers as Jenna, who's on the other side of the gym, takes a picture of two guys that fell on top of each other. Her phone is always on her, like a police officer with their gun, which is an appropriate analogy because can literally kill anyone's reputation by posting something on her Instagram.

"So Rich was asking about going to a party on Friday, you in?" Jeremy rolls his eyes.

"No I'm not going, you?" Justin nods his head, "I think it might be fun, but you know, whatever floats your boat."

They talk about random stuff for the rest of the period, with Justin supplying about ninety percent of the words to the conversation and Jeremy basically nodding along. The ten minute bell goes off and all of the guys herd into the locker room while Jeremy slips away to the nurses office. He keeps his head down as he walks through the halls in his PE uniform. 

The nurses office is always cold, sad and a little depressing every time Jeremy enters. All of the bright and shiny posters about how people should keep up their health make it seem like a bad TV show set. The actual nurses are even worse, they only care about the kids who have fevers or an actual medical emergency, otherwise they give the kid an ice pack and send them back to class. 

Jeremy slides in and fast-walks to the bathroom in the back, grabbing his clothes from a chair and changing without looking in the mirror.

He steps out of the nurse as the bell rings. Students flood the halls as he makes his way to next period, but has to rush if he's gonna meet Michael along the way.

At the end of the hall is the signature hoodie accompanied by the big white headphones with a big L and R to show which goes on which ear. Jeremy slips past a large crowd of students that's probably going to break out into a fight any second soon. 

Michael sees him out of the corner of his eye and smiles as Jeremy comes to stand only a foot away from him. It's the appropriate distance when they're in the halls, otherwise they have to scream to hear each other. 

"Hey Michael, I forgot to ask you something." Michael raises his eyebrow and gestures for Jeremy to continue.

"Rich called yesterday and asked if I'm going to the party on Friday, and he said that you were gonna go if I went." Michael shifts his feet and looks around Jeremy. 

"You know that I don't want to go. Why don't you want to go to a party? With Rich of all people?" Michael checks the time on his phone quickly before sighing(or taking a deep breath, Jeremy's not sure).

"He invited me, but he wanted me as his wingman." Jeremy bites his lip. That would explain it. 

"Sorry man, that sucks." Michael shrugs, and claps him on his shoulder before walking off. 

The last three classes of his day are boring. That's the only word that can explain it. He was sadly cursed with the schedule of fun classes in the morning while the worse ones are at the end of the day. Zoe is in his last three classes(along with another two in the morning),but the teachers are so strict that they can't talk. 

After hell, Jeremy makes his way to the theatre room. He enters the doorway at the same time as Zoe, who accidentally slams her guitar into him. How the hell did she get here at the same time as him? He feigns being severely hurt by holding his hip and making a face of overdramatic agony, like the people in Soap Operas. Zoe snickers and sticks her tongue out at him.

Mr.Reyes has chairs set up in a circle for a simple read through of the script, or whatever he calls it. Jeremy sits down with Christine on his right and Zoe on his left. Most of the guys in the room make eyebrows at him as they sit down. More than enough jokes have been made about Jeremy having two girls at his side, enough to make it annoying.

Yeah, Jeremy will admit, both Christine and Zoe are very nice and pretty(hell, Christine was his first crush), but he can't see dating either of them. Plus, he'd much rather date the male Murphy.

Not their dad.

That would be weird. Really weird.

Scene one has started, and Jeremy's already zoned out. Les is stumbling through a very large paragraph, and as he continually messes up, it sounds more like an angry tangent than a speech.

Zoe leans over and whispers in Jeremy's ear, "so, are you gonna go to the Homecoming Soccer game?" Jeremy frowns slightly, like there's a sour taste in his mouth. Sports aren't exactly his forte.

Christine leans over as well, hearing what Zoe said. "You're organizing one of the floats for the parade before it, right?" Zoe nods.

She gestures to the circle, "don't you have a part to be saying?" 

Christine shakes her head, still leaning and now putting her arms on Jeremy's right leg to lean over him. Zoe giggles and does the same to his left one.

"No, I don't talk until the next scene, so I'm good." 

"You spent all last night reading it over didn't you?" Christine rolls her eyes. 

"Duh, by the way, did you finally get the reference I made the other day during Comp Sci? I gave you a full day to figure it out, not like fifty minutes, which is what a day of school is classified. It's ridiculous when they say we have a day to do something in a day but they're only giving us fifty minutes."

Zoe shakes her head.

Christine shakes her head in mock disgust, "it's from Supernatural silly! I call you Jerk and you're supposed to call me Bitch." Zoe looks slightly amused by this.

"But you're not a bitch!" She gestures at Christine with her left hand, then turns her head to Jeremy. "He's a bitch, so I can say that to him." Jeremy rolls his eyes, legs going numb from he two girls leaning on them. 

"I thought we established that you're the bitch."

"Nope."

Christine and Zoe giggle as Jeremy shakes their arms off of him. Zoe sits back up and blinks at Jeremy. "So you didn't answer my question, are you going to the game? Connor's gonna be playing and I promised to bring a cheer squad."

Zoe glances over at Connor on the other side of the room. He's looking at the group silently, hands folded in his lap and giggling at the comedic breaks. He's absolutely gorgeous.

"Yeah, I'll go to the game."

Zoe makes a pump fist motion and throws her right leg over her left. "Good, I already got Alana, Chloe, Christine," she leans over and winks at Chris, who isn't paying attention to her anymore, "Dustin, Jared and some other people to go."

Jeremy almost chokes on air, but doesn't say anything. Of course Jared would want to go to the game, he'll be next to Zoe the entire time. 

"Can't wait for it, Zo."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Jared being cringy and annoying

It's Friday (Friday, gotta get down on Friday) and Heidi is telling Jeremy what he should wear.

"Honey, do you know what the forecast is going to be? There's a very high chance of it raining tonight. Bring something for protection, an umbrella, a raincoat, something! I don't want you getting sick." Jeremy sighs and slowly turns to his very caring step-mother. 

"It doesn't look like it's going to rain, it'll be fine." Heidi purses her lips and knits her eyebrows together.

"Remember that time we went to the Carnival and it was a clear night, but then it started raining? You hated that, I remember Evan hugging you in the car while you shivered!" She gestures with her hands wildly, like it's the end of the world.

Jeremy's dad enters the living room, plopping down in the couch and paying no mind to his son and wife having a minor argument. 

Heidi turns to him and says, "Paul, please help me, he won't listen!" 

Paul looks up from the book he was reading, Game of Thrones, narrows his eyes at Jeremy and looks back down at his book, "son, if you get sick, don't cough on me."

Jeremy snorts while Heidi rolls her eyes and plops next to him on the couch, leaning into him while she turns on the TV. "Fine, do whatever you want."

Mr.Heere glances at Jeremy in a way to say, listen to her, she's smarter. Jeremy quickly runs upstairs and grabs a raincoat along with an umbrella that he shoves in his pocket. Heidi's usually right about most everything, plus, he does hate getting rained on (Don't Rain on my Parade).

He glides down the stairs and walks towards the front door, feeling the smirking face stare at him as he opens the door. "Have a good time honey! Please be home by 10:30!"

Jeremy turns and says with one foot out the door, "bye Heidi! I'll be fine and home before then, and dad," his father looks up from his book, "don't ignore your wife for the book, you've read it a thousands times." 

He hears Heidi laugh loudly as his father starts to defend his book, but Jeremy's already out the door and walking to the corner meet up.

The corner meet up it is a well known spot in his neighborhood, it's got a little area of the road that's basically a parking spot for people to pick up others. It's relatively close to almost every house, so it's common to see people parked or standing there. 

Jeremy briskly walks on the light gray cement as he makes his way to where Alana is picking him and Dustin up, Dustin lives in the same neighborhood as him. 

It's only 6:30 and the game starts at 7:00 but the sky is already dark and if he squints Jeremy can see a few stars. He's in a black sweater with thin white stripes and a pair of jeans along with his off brand red Converse. In his hand is his wind breaker jacket and in the other is a swinging, retractable umbrella. 

He sees at the end of the street a little black Corvair with 3 teens listening to blasting music. The girl in the passenger seat is head banging while the guy in the back passionately air guitars. 

As he gets closer he sees that Zoe's the head banging girl and Dustin is the air guitarist. Alana smiles at him, turns down the music and unlocks the car for him to get in. Jeremy slides in the backseat to see Dustin making a fist towards him, and he quickly responds with a single finger to Dustin's knuckle. They both snicker, but Jeremy's cut off as Zoe throws a pack of M&Ms at him. 

"There were no KitKats at the store so I got those. Sorry." Jeremy shrugs and sticks them in a small pocket in the front of his sweater. 

"It's fine." Alana carefully backs up and drives out the neighborhood to the school. Zoe sorts through the giant bag of candy, naming which is for who out loud, making sure she didn't forget anyone. 

"Plus, I got a bunch of licorice for Connor for after the game. It's either to celebrate or to cheer him up." Alana pulls into a parking space on the less crowded side of the lot even though it's farther away from the stadium, they can walk. 

"Let's hope it's the former, cmon, the game's about to start." They all hop out of the car and head to the stadium. 

Jeremy can hear the roar of the many students as they get closer, and he suddenly wishes he was back home, watching HGTV with Heidi and his dad, maybe Evan too because he decided to take a break from college. Or he'd rather be furiously screaming at Brooke's TV as he fights to the death in Super Mario Bros Smash with his two best friends who also happen to not be going to this game. 

But then he remembers that he has other friends too, friends that he loves almost as much as his best friends, and he feels even more guilty for not wanting to be with them. He buys his ticket and follows Dustin inside. Zoe's already inside, going to make sure the parade float that's behind the stadium is set up.

The lights are blinding and the crowd is deafening. Who knew a high school soccer game could be so crowded? He feels a tug on his arm from Alana as he sees her and Dustin making their way to the seats that Christine saved for them.

Apparently Christine came an hour early and just laid down to save seats for as many people as possible, not caring if she looked weird. Well, that's what Dustin said happened. 

Along with Christine, Chloe, Jenna, Madeline, Mark and Johnny are with them. Jenna's taking a selfie with Chloe and Madeline as Christine smiles and waves at Jeremy. Johnny keeps on swatting at Mark's giant afro, annoying the hell out of his buddy. 

Jeremy sits down just to have Christine run over and slides him over with ease. Now he's sitting in between her and Johnny. She has the candy that Alana handed out in hand(a box of Gushers) and is bouncing her legs at an alarming rate, but it's Christine, and she's always moving, so this is common.

Her outfit is probably the most interesting thing in the entire stadium (besides the family of Mexicans that refused to pay to get in and are watching from outside the side fence and are shouting multiple profanities, even though the game hasn't started).

She's sporting a vertically striped pastel rainbow button up with sleeves that are rolled up to her elbows. The high waisted shorts she's wearing are ripped and only go down six inches from her waist. Her Sketcher shoes are the kind that light up. Her hair is literally shining, like, she sprayed it with something to make it look like that and her cheeks have face paint soccer balls on them. Her shirt is tucked in as well, showing off her lean hips.

"I thought you said people shouldn't tuck their shirts in?"

Christine rolls her eyes, "I said you shouldn't tuck them in, I'm a different story." Jeremy scoffs and pokes her side.

Somehow, she looks amazing. Her eyes light up and she links her arm in his, pulling him closer so she can rant.

"Are you excited? I'm super excited, like, I don't know much about soccer, but it has to be interesting. I mean, it's the most popular sport in the world and people in America should learn to respect it more. I don't even know why we don't call it football. Literally the entire world calls it that accept for us, we call a game that uses hands football! Like, who's the idiot that thought of that? Anyway, I'm also looking forward to the parade, it's gonna start soon and I hear that Zoe's is going to be super cool."

Speaking of Zoe, she's now sprinting over to them at full speed, which is actually really fast. 

"Guys! I need help, half of the people in my float are stuck in traffic and aren't going to make it. I was wondering it you would march with us?" Jeremy glances at Christine, who's already hopping from her seat and running to participate. Jeremy, along with Johnny, Chloe and Jenna decide to join. 

By the time they get to the float, people are already rolling theirs into the stadium. Zoe jumps on hers and tosses a bunch of hats at all of them and runs to the truck up front to tell the guy to drive. 

The hats are actually the hats from The Cat in the Hat. Jeremy places his on and shoves it on tight so it doesn't fall off and hops on the side of the float as it starts to move. 

The floats actually really cool. It's covered with fake red and green grass along with two giant pieces of cardboard made to look like a book. It says something along the lines of 'I do not like green eggs and ham,' but replaced with the other school's mascot name. A girl is in a full Cat in the Hat costume and is bouncing so much that she might fall off the float. Which would be horrible.

Hilarious, but very horrible.

Jeremy finds himself seated next to Chloe, who's taking a video as they roll into the stadium on Instagram. Her outfit it very, um, revealing. Well, it is from Jeremy's perspective. Her wool, black long sleeve shirts showing of her entire back and is perched on the top of her, um, wrack, and her jeans look like they were glued on her they're so tight. 

He finds himself quickly looking away from her shirt.

They're one of the last few floats to enter the stadium, but the crowd is still as loud as ever. People are screaming and waving flags and doing other stupid teenager stuff. He's ignoring the feeling of panic and decides to enjoy being in the crowd on the field. His smile grows as people he recognize from school cheer at him and the other Suessians. 

He's suddenly feeling so small, but, a good kind of small. Like he's a part of the main support system of a building and is needed. Being in the large crowd, not necessarily noticed, but still recognized to be in, feels kind of freaking awesome. 

The floats have finally stopped moving and Chloe takes a selfie with everyone on the float as the coach speaks to everyone about how the game's going to be great, and they wish the other team best of luck. The floats glide of the field and Jeremy spots Connor running past him as they're leaving. 

The pretty boy smiles at him and salutes as he goes by. Jeremy gives a little wave in response, blushing a bit in the process. 

Once everyone is back in their seats, the game's already started. Jeremy sits on the cool metal bleachers and drums his fingers against it, watching the ball move swiftly around the field. Zoe probably screams louder than anyone in the entire stadium when Connor saves a goal. 

Jeremy leans forward to say something when his voice gets cut off. He forgot who else Zoe invited.

Jared's sitting right next to her, clearly trying to bring up a topic they can talk about, but failing miserably. She's completely ignoring him. Jeremy snorts and looks away, but only for Jared to catch his eye.

He should've ignored it and pretended he didn't see Jared, but he did, and he froze. For a full second, Jeremy stared at Jared, who made a desperate face for help. Jeremy glances at him and cringes.

His shirt says 'Squirrels will be my King' along with a Squirrel, shitting on a picture, of himself. 

What the actual fuck. Did he have that custom made? Does he think it's funny? 

Zoe is clearly, very uncomfortable, leaning away from him and not acknowledging his presence. 

Jeremy turns back towards the game and ignores Jared. Thankfully, they haven't talked at school at all really, so Jeremy was hoping that he might have totally forgotten about the whole email thing.

Apparently not.

When the game is ten minutes into the second half, with the score being two to one, home team winning, it starts raining. 

Not like, a light sprinkle, but a full on downpour. Most of the crowd screams and people start leaving even though the game isn't over. Jeremy sends a thankful mental note to Heidi and pulls on his windbreaker, effectively keeping himself dry. He hands Christine his umbrella and she says a thousand thanks before putting it up.

Zoe gets up from her seat, grabbing Jeremy's arm in the process of running down the isle and sprints out of the stadium with him. 

"We're going to get umbrellas and jackets from Alana's and Johnny's cars. I've got the keys, let's go." 

Both of them are halfway across the parking lot when they turn to see none other than Jared Klienman running after them. Jeremy huffs while Zoe keeps walking.

"Where're you guys going?" The question probably meant to come off as innocent sounding, but is actually really accusing, like they were gonna sneak off to have sex or something. 

Zoe answers in a sweet tone, "we're going to get stuff to protect us from the rain Jared. We'll be back soon." The sentence was clearly a conversation stopper, but Jared failed to realize that. 

"Ok, I'll just come with you guys!" Jeremy bites his lip and takes Alana's keys from Zoe, silently walking to her car with Jared on his tail. Annoyance is boiling in his stomach.

Once they get to the car, and Zoe is out of earshot, Jeremy turns to glare at Jared. "Why did you follow me? The girl you're crushing on is over there, follow her." Jared crosses his arms and leans on one leg. 

"I'm getting nowhere with her, I can't find anything relatable to say to her. She just doesn't seem very interested." Jeremy unlocks the car and opens the door, leaning and grabbing a few jackets and an umbrella from the backseat. 

"Then give up! Problem solved!" Jeremy begins to walk away, but Jared grabs his arm. He immediately shakes him off, but still stops walking. 

"You said you would help me, so just, try? Just a little bit?" Jeremy flares his nostrils and swallows hard. He glances to see Zoe walking towards them. He steps slightly closer to Jared, wishing he was with literally anyone else in the universe. 

"Talk to her about how Mr.Reyes probably watches hot pocket porn, but don't talk about it too much. Mention things about the play, talk about her in jazz band." Jared let's a beaming smile appear on his face and nods. Zoe gets back to them with plenty of jackets and umbrellas in her arms. 

On the way back, Jared mentions the hot pocket porn, and Zoe does laugh. Jared looks like he's about to elaborate more on the matter, but Jeremy coughs loudly, stopping him from looking creepier than he is. "Play rehearsal has been super crazy, I think Christine's gonna explode." Zoe chuckles and Jared immediately takes on the subject himself, leading it full charge and letting Jeremy gladly disappear in the background. 

"So, Jeremy and I were thinking about going over lines at Boba Bar, and we wanted you to come." Jeremy head snaps to him in shock, he never said such a thing. Jared looks at him pleadingly and Jeremy then looks to Zoe. Her eyebrow is raised, but she's not disagreeing. 

He nods and Zoe shrugs. "Sure, why not?"

Jared sets the time for next Saturday night and it's a done deal.

Jeremy walks into the stadium a bit more pissed than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting in a while, but apparently I'm only a good writer at 2:00 am. Hope you keep reading my story! Stay safe you guys!


	8. Emails

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 25 at 6:37 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Jamaica, 

Yes, I did chug an entire bottle of Orange Juice after brushing my teeth on a dare. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I still refuse to drink Orange Juice to this day. My best friends love to taunt me though, going as far as throwing Oranges at me. I would return them if I could throw anything with accuracy, sadly, this is not the truth.

Anyway, I will not be spending my Halloween getting completely wasted out of my mind, no sir. I will be doing the same thing that I always do, reading in nothing but my Spiderman boxers all night. Plus pigging out on KitKats and Licorice at the same time is heaven. 

Alcohol? No thanks, I prefer the eternal love I receive from sugar rushes.

Are you going to be doing anything interesting? Dressing up at all? I bet you would make a great sexy cat.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Oct 26 at 2:23 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Xander, 

Have fun being an absolute nerd, I'll be watching an in person documentary on how humans behave when they get intoxicated. And I'll be laughing my ass off most of the time too. I'm going to a party with my friends, but I have no plans on getting drunk. 

Sexy cat huh? Never really thought of that, I'll consider it, I can rock a tail. 

And is that a Meme I spot? The Great Xander, quoting such a stupid Meme? I'm disappointed, had higher expectations. 

What'll you be reading? I don't know if you have it planned out or something but you most likely are gonna read something non-fictional. Probably 101 facts about Supernatural, all of which, I would know.

Why Spiderman boxers? Not judging, I love Spidey, but what makes those boxers so special? 

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 26 at 9:32 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Jamaica,

I like the boxers because I like Spiderman. I just like the idea of jumping off a building and zooming down, only to save myself at the last second. You know? Maybe it's just me.

I'll be reading a non-fiction book about a fiction series. If that makes sense, I'm not going to explain it, just figure it out yourself. No, it's not Supernatural, I don't need any spoilers, still catching up. I swear to god, if you spoil anything I will track you down and kill you.

And don't call out my wisely used meme, it was used perfectly. (I also love the fact that you capitalize the word meme, like it's a proper noun or something.)

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Oct 26 at 11:39 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Xander, 

I think everyone can relate to being Spiderman. Accept for like, the horrible things that happen to him, or people that are afraid of spiders, or people that are afraid of heights, or people that value their lives. Ok, maybe Spiderman isn't that appealing to some people, but I get you. It's easy to get you.

And I will call out all Memes, along with capitalizing them. Memes deserve to be capitalized, it's a universal law. 

By the way, did you get Wednesday Wars? I got your book, so I expect you to be reading mine. It's incredibly amazing, even if it's not a huge series of anything really famous. It's small and cute and just, man, fantastical. Plus, Holling is Jewish, so I thought you could relate. 

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM:TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Oct 28 at 3:26 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Jamaica,

Memes? A universal law? Sounds legit to me.

Yes, I did get the book, quite a while ago actually. I finished it in an hour, it's like, only three hundred pages. Though, you are right, it's a good book. I'm craving cream puffs now, obviously without dust on them. Good choice in recommendation. Sadly though, I will not be joining the track team out of inspiration. Unless I get a rat to chase me, I'll never be able to run as fast as Holling, and he's in Middle school.

I'm going to hope and pray that you got Hunger Games. It's shameful to have seen a movie that was based off a book without have actually reading it. You're going to love it, I swear on my life and everything I own. I didn't want to read it at first, because of all the death, but after the first chapter I was hooked. 

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Oct 29 at 5:43 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Partyin Hard

Xander,

Yes, I did get the Hunger Games, but I didn't start reading it yet. I will start soon, I will, I just need to get through the rest of this week and Halloween, then I'll diver right in. 

I hope you have a good Halloween, my laptop is all janky and I'm gonna get it fixed so I'll be offline until November. Have a good time reading your nerd book in your Spiderman boxers. Keep them on, unless you're thinking about me, then feel free to take them off.

From,  
Jamaica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's easy to flirt when no one knows who you are ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Jeremy stares at his laptop screen with wide eyes. His stomach is twisted into a knot as he stares at the words that Jamaica sent to him. He's suddenly regretting reading this before going to bed.

Jamaica basically just gave Jeremy permission to masterbate to them. 

Aw fuck. 

He lays in the dark, thinking about Jamaica. What do they look like? What's their gender? Sure, they've sent things suggesting that they're a guy, but it's easy to lie in emails. 

Maybe they're as hot as Chloe Valentine, and always wears slightly revealing clothes to make sure people know how hot they are. Or maybe they're as adorable as Johnny, and is the most loved person in school. 

Or maybe they're like Connor Murphy, with big, beautiful eyes and a contagious laugh. Jeremy would run his hands through their hair while they kiss.

Well, hand, the other one's occupied right now. 

Would they ever meet? They have to eventually, Jeremy needs to meet this amazing person. He'll run up to them and hug them just to let him know that he's physically with them. He might just start making out with them on the spot, to let them know how much he cares. Jeremy might hold them as close as possible, and run his hands all over them as they pull him close as well. 

Jeremy falls asleep after washing his boxers. 

Thursday is Halloween. The holiday sucks on weekdays, since people can't really stay up to all hours to party because of school. Yet, somehow people manage to still throw killer parties. There's a trend on the school Tumblr where kids take pictures and make memes of other kids showing up at school very hungover. It's hilarious.

Christine called Jeremy and they talked while she finished perfecting her Black Widow outfit. She's going to go trick-or-treating with her little cousin, then to a party just to show off her costume. It's being hosted by Johnny, since apparently his parents allow everything as long as he gets good grades. 

"Michael's going to be a vine. I'm not sure what he means by that and I'm not sure I want to know." Jeremy scoffs as he finishes his homework and plugs in his laptop next to his bed, sitting down and placing it on his lap.

"He's going to wear a shirt that says 'what the fuck' and is going to stand next to Rich the entire party." Christine stops spraying her hair as she freezes to ponder what he means by that. 

"Rich? Rich what the fuck? What the fuck Rich? Richie? Richard? Oh! What the fuck, Richard!" Her voice squeals once she figures it out. "Wow, that's clever."

"Don't tell Michael that." Christine giggles and finishes spraying her hair.

"Well I've gotta fly. Have a nice night Jeremy." 

"You too, save me some candy!"

"Get your own!"

Jeremy rolls his eyes as she quickly hangs up. He opens his laptop and goes to Skype, while opening a packet of Skittles. He should be getting a call any time soon. 

The laptop starts going off, and Jeremy answers the call with glee. Evan's exhausted face pops up on the screen.

"Hello my brotha' from anotha' motha', how are you doing?"

Evan barely lifts his eyes and mutters, "you promised to never say that again."

Jeremy snorts and rolls his eyes as Evan adjusts his giant hoodie, and takes a long sip from a cup of most-likely coffee. His eye bags are darker than ever and his hair is the definition of bed head. In other words, he looks like a college student.

"Tired?"

Evan puts the coffee down and pats down his hair, there's music in the background that Jeremy recognizes as Evan's calming playlist. "Did you know that to be a veterinarian you have to memorize the anatomy of a Corn Snake? I don't even know if I'm gonna work with Corn Snakes."

Jeremy snorts as he pops a few pieces of candy in his mouth, "you love snakes Evan." 

His stepbrother props his feet up to the left of the camera and scoffs. "Doesn't mean I want to know their anatomy by heart. Do you know the anatomy of a snake?" Evan puts an emphasis on the question along with a snarky face.

"Of course I do. My brother's one." 

Evan deadpans at him. "I knew shouldn't have taken that Pottermore sorting quiz with you. At least I'm not a Huffinpuff." Jeremy gasps dramatically.

"How dare you insult my house, I challenge you to a duel my fair man." 

"This fair man has blackmail of you trying to singing Phantom of the Opera at age twelve." Jeremy glares at Evan, who's now laughing at the memory. 

"You swore you wouldn't speak of that." Evan leans back in his chair in his fit of hysterics, all the more frustrating Jeremy. 

Evan takes a deep breath to speak, "you sounded-" another round of giggles occurs, "you sounded, like a little girl on steroids!" Then he breaks off into a loud enough laughing session that Jeremy has to turn down the volume on his computer.

Jeremy waves his hands around, "alright, alright I get it. How long have been gathering blackmail of me?" Evan is now taking deep breaths to stop laughing. 

"Ever since you moved in." 

Jeremy finishes his Skittles and tosses the wrapper aside. "You talked with Heidi recently?" 

Evan smiles softly at the mention of his mom, "yeah, she called me yesterday and I talked with Joe for a bit as well. According to them you've been getting pretty popular, huh? You went to the Homecoming soccer game?" 

Evan's face is joking, mostly because neither of them are known for being very social and it's weird that either of them would willing go outside, but Jeremy knows that he's secretly proud. 

"Yeah, went with Christine, Zoe and the whole crowd. I got to ride on the float and everything." Evan whistles lowly. 

"Sounds like fun. No Michael or Brooke?" Jeremy raises an eyebrow at him. 

"You know Brooke, she would be talking about how stupid the game is and Michael just didn't feel like going. He's out at a party right now, probably getting drunk off his ass." 

Evan nods his head in agreement, "send me a picture of him being hung over tomorrow." 

"Uh, duh." 

Evan gives him a thumbs up and continues to ramble on about how this girl that looked exactly like Emma Watson in his biology class ended walking out of the lesson because of a Harry Potter quote. 

"She was just sitting there after the professor asked the most complicated question that I've ever heard," Evan stands up from his chair to bounce a bit because coffee does that to him, "and she answered it perfectly!"

Jeremy's now laying on his stomach with his feet on his pillow, watching as Evan acts out the scene. "And it's dead silent in the giant hall, because, I mean, she looks exactly like Emma Watson, and this guy stands up and yells," Evan takes a deep breath and stands a bit taller, "ten points for Gryffindor!" 

Jeremy barely contains his laughter as Evan continues, "and she just gets up and walks out without even saying anything!" He plops back down in his chair and let's all the giggles out. "It was the most beautiful thing I had even seen!" 

Heidi was right, Evan's really finding himself in college. And that makes Jeremy so damn happy. 

"So Christine's the nicest person ever, right?" Evan nods.

"I've only talked to her once, and that was on the phones with you, but she seems sweet." 

Jeremy bites his knuckles to stop himself from laughing again. "That's what I thought as well, but during theatre class, we were in the middle of doing another script read-through, and this kid sneezes. Most of the people say bless you, but you know what Chris said?" Evan raises his eyebrows in wonder. 

"She says in a loud, deadpan voice, stop it." Evan narrows his eyes and leans forward a bit. 

"Sweet little Christine, said, 'Stop it' to a kid after they sneezed?" Jeremy nods while taking a swig from his soda.

"I don't even know how to react to that." Jeremy swallows his soda and gives Evan a face that says 'same.'

"Oh! How's Angey doing?" Evan scratches his head and shrugs. 

"She's the Queen Bee of the campus. Everyone knows who she is, and not to mess with her. I think she went to a Women's Rights march the other day. How's her sister doing?" 

"Liz and Daisy are doing great. I hope they're keeping that party under control." Evan scrunches his nose. 

"I thought you said Johnny was hosting it?" 

"Doesn't mean that they shouldn't keep it under control."

Evan nods his head and they continue to talk about how they've been doing, tell crazy stories and just try to talk as much as possible. 

The call ends after 3 hours of talking when Evan falls asleep while Jeremy was talking. 

It's only 10:00 and Jeremy's not tired so he does exactly what he told Jamaica he'd do. After stripping to his boxers and locking his door (because he does not want Heidi or his dad to walk in on him not being decent) and grabs a thick book that he got from Michael last year for his birthday. It's practically a Doctor Who encyclopedia with all the extensive facts it contains. 

Jeremy let's his mind wander as he reads, bringing him to soon-to-be-Saturday. 

Ugh, why? What did he do to deserve this? Jared can try to fuck Zoe for all he cares, he knows Zoe can handle him, but why does he need to have Jeremy help him? Much less blackmail him? 

He grabs his phone and puts a photo of President Snow from the Hunger Games in for Jerk's Dick's contact photo. It makes him smile a little so it's worth it. 

As he's turning off his phone it starts buzzing and a horrible photo of Michael takes up the screen to show that he's calling Jeremy. 

"What's up Michael?" The background music is loud and annoying. 

"I'm am the up my buddy." Jeremy sighs and runs his hand through his hair. 

"Are you with anybody? Do you have a ride home?" 

"Um, there's a really cute guy. He's like really, really cute. I think I like him!" Jeremy rolls his eyes and hangs up, that conversation wasn't going anywhere. He calls another contact. 

"Hey Chris, do you have Michael?" 

"Yeah, did he call you? I told Johnny to make sure he doesn't fall in the pool while I grabbed my gun, fake gun, obviously." 

"Yeah, he called me. Are you guys going to be ok?" 

"Yeah we'll be fine, see you tomorrow."

"See ya Chrissy."

Michael shows up to school hunched over with a pair of sunglasses and a migraine. Brooke and Jeremy relentlessly tease and take many pictures, most of which Jeremy send to Evan.


	10. Chapter 10

Just like Arnold from Magic School Bus, Jeremy should've stayed home today.

Zoe and him are entering the Boba Bar on a Saturday evening, and the tiny restaurant is completely empty aside from the staff (which only happens to be the siblings who own the joint). Both of them sit down and wait for Jared to show up so they can order drinks and start rehearsing.

A whole fucking twenty minutes later, Jared shows up with a shiny smile on his face. He sits next to Zoe, much to her discomfort, and looks at them silently for a few seconds. After an awkward silence he says, "so, are we gonna do anything?"

Jeremy is considering murder. 

He gets a break from it though, because he gets up to order their drinks by himself, and decides to wait for them by the counter instead of walking back. 

When he gets back, he's surprised to see Zoe actually laughing at whatever Jared said. She gladly takes her drink and pulls out her script and Jeremy does the same. Meanwhile, Jared just nervously smiles. 

"I forgot my script, can I look at yours Zoe?" Jeremy deadpan stares at him as he leans over and looks at Zoe. Jared is the only one who actually has lines to say, Zoe and him just need to memorize when to move props and stuff like that. 

Things actually end up going smooth from there, Zoe and Jeremy read other people's lines while Jared enthusiastically reads his. It seems like every time he talks, he's saying it to Zoe. Like the line is specifically for her. Jeremy's not sure if he's trying to be romantic or if he's just an idiot. 

It's around 8:00 when the mortification event happens. 

Zoe's reading through one of Christine's monologues when Jared decides to interrupt her. 

"You deserve so much more." Zoe kind of just stops and stares with a weird expression on her face behind nodding and trying to continue, but Jared won't let her. 

"The crap you put up with at school, that's tough. I would love to have your confidence." Jeremy slinks down in his seat, trying to disappear. 

Zoe looks like she's got a dry mouth as she says, "school's not really that hard for me."

Jared makes a pssh sound, "you deal with all those things that guys say about your body, and all the shit that girls say behind your back. Nothing gets to you and I admire you."

Jeremy is internally screaming right now, because Jared's literally doing everything wrong. Nobody talks shit about Zoe, and guys don't talk about her body. 

Zoe meanwhile is staring in what looks like shock and confusion, "wait people talk about my-"

But Jared cuts her off, "and having to deal with Connor at school must be-"

And before Jared can even get those idiotic, stupid, heinous words out, Jeremy kicks in the shin hard. Jared yells and leans down to rub his leg, glaring at Jeremy, who's glaring right back. Thankfully Jerk's dick gets the idea and doesn't finish his sentence. 

"What I'm saying is Zoe, is that you're an amazingly strong women and I love you for it." And since Zoe is an actual angel, she dismisses the past comments and smiles shyly, making Jared practically melt. 

So apparently, Jared thinks that he needs to make a statement. He's suddenly standing on his chair and is yelling to the whole place about how great Zoe Murphy is. 

Zoe's slinking down in her seat and hiding her face in her hands. Jeremy wants to do the same but, decides to just walk into the bathroom and wait until he's done. 

He actually goes on for 2 minutes before stopping, and then Jeremy comes out. 

The next thing he knows is Zoe shaking him awake and going home.


	11. Emails

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Nov 1 at 2:34 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Drunk idiots

Xander, 

I hope that you had a great Halloween. I know I did. My friends party was insane, and I'm pretty sure I was the only sober one. I saw about 5 lap dances, at least 20 people making out and I walked in on a threesome. 

My laptop was fixed, yay! Apparently my sister spilled juice on it and never told me. But I couldn't be mad at her, her puppy eyes are too adorable. And my parents are both in the house today which is good, my dad was in Europe for a week and my mom left for New Mexico the day before he came back. But they're here now and my sister is so excited. 

I don't know if I'm as excited. I wish that they would be here more often, but I know their jobs make things difficult. I was actually thinking about coming out to them, maybe sometime this week. Just, I don't know when they'll both be in the house again and I want them to know. 

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Nov 1 at 8:47 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Drunk idiots

Glad that you had fun. I'm just happy I got to avoid whatever you saw at that party. The best thing about this year's Halloween was probably my friend being hungover at school. I've never actually got wasted, a little bit because I don't think it would be a lot of fun, but mostly because I knew my step-mom would LITERALLY kill me if she found out. 

Sorry that your parents aren't usually home. I'm sure that they'll be home again at the same time soon. I'll always be here if you come out to them. 

By the way, I was going through an old box of stuff that was under my bed yesterday. It had a bunch of books and action figures and whatnot, but the coolest think I found was one of the silly bands. Did you have those as a kid? They're bracelets that are shaped as animals or something. The crazy thing was, I'm pretty sure this one looks like Jesus. I might wear it to school tomorrow.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Nov 2 at 4:34 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Drunk idiots

Thanks for the support, it really matters to me. 

Of course I know what silly bands are, I had tons when I was a kid. And oh my god, that's insane. You have to wear it to school (And it's totally not so that I can find out who you are). Why would they make a Jesus silly band? That's amazing.

...but I thought you were Jewish? 

Also, I'm just curious, and you don't have to answer this question, but are you parents divorced? If so do you live with both? I'm sorry, you don't have to answer. 

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Nov 3 at 10:34 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Drunk idiots

I am Jewish. Doesn't change the fact that it's a hilarious silly band. 

It's fine to ask, and yes my parents are divorced. I've lived with my dad the entire time. I don't know where my mom is. She left when I was 7 and I haven't seen her since, though she does send me birthday cards. My dad got remarried when I was 9. 

I'm actually the reason they met. It's a funny story. I was 8 at the time and being the clumsy idiot I am, I tripped and fell into a stop sign on my way home from school. I somehow managed to knock myself unconscious. I was sent to the hospital by some friendly neighbors. When I woke up, there was a friendly nurse that told me about concussion and that my dad was coming. When he got there, my dad and the nurse started talking a lot, and they hit it off. One year later my I'm at their wedding right next to my stepbrother. 

So, I take full responsibility for everything that has happened then. 

From,  
Xander


	12. Chapter 12

This is probably Jeremy’s favorite part about play rehearsal. Hanging up in the rafters, unnoticed to all, and acting like a totally creep. 

Jeremy leans over the railing with a wide smile. He got off 7th period early since Mrs.Remmington’s wife called in a pregnant rage, and demanded she came immediately or else she was going to die. So of course the first thing that came to Jeremy’s mind was to terrify whoever came onto the stage first. And who other than the Murphy siblings show. 

Zoe and Connor are both sitting at the edge of the stage, both on their phones and waiting for rehearsal to start. They're at a comfortable distance away from each other, and every few minutes Connor or Zoe will show the other something on their phone, and they’ll both laugh. Jeremy is actually really happy to see them become closer. 

Freshman year was painful for anyone who knew Connor or Zoe. He never got the full details, because he was still a scared little freshman back then, but apparently Connor went to school high most days. He remembers Connor once running into the same bathroom as him, breathing heavily, and slamming the stall door loud enough to make Jeremy almost scream. He remembers smelling smoke and sprinting out of there because he really didn’t want to get in trouble if a teacher went in. Zoe tried to stay as far away as possible from Connor, and she didn’t try to hide that fact, it was obvious that she was ashamed and a little bit scared of him. 

But, they’re happy now. The school never got an explanation on how it happened, and most people are sure they never will. Jeremy doesn’t need an explanation, mostly because he doesn’t care, he’s just happy they’re happy.

Now, time to scare the shit out of them. 

Jeremy grabs a rope and carefully positions himself over the tiny gap between Connor and Zoe. He prays he doesn’t accidentally land on one of their heads, and lets the rope bring him to the ground. 

It’s not the most graceful landing he’s ever had, but it sure as hell was the funniest. 

He lands on the ground with a bang. He immediately tumbles forward and would’ve fallen off the stage if he wasn’t still holding onto the rope. Zoe and Connor scream at the top of their lungs and scramble away from him. Connor tries to stand up but accidently trips over his own feet and falls flat on his ass. Zoe crab-walks away as fast as she can and falls on her side in shock, her hair falls over her face, making her look even worse. Both of them look scandalized.

Jeremy bursts out laughing. 

He falls to the ground in a giggly mess as Zoe and Connor slowly start laughing with him. Jeremy can barely breath as he rolls onto his back. He wipes tears from his eyes as he controls his breathing and sits up to see both of the Murphys putting their hair up. 

Zoe glares at him, and says, “you are a monster, Jeremy Heere, an absolute monster.” 

Jeremy grins at her, “I do my best,” then goes and helps her up. 

Connor stands up and claps him on the shoulder while saying, “that was good, you really got us man,” then rubs Jeremy’s head. 

Jeremy blushes deeply at Connor touching his hair and knocks shoulders with him, smiling shyly and looking into his eyes a bit too long then he should have. Jeremy internally smacks himself and turns to Zoe, hoping that he wasn’t too obvious. 

“Are you guys ready for black out night?” 

Zoe shrugs and replies, “I don’t know. Sleeping in the school? Doesn’t seem like that much fun.”

Jeremy says, “it’s actually really fun. We’re gonna watch a movie, then have some pizza, play some games, roam the school if we can convince Mr.Reyes and a bunch of other stuff. It’s gonna be awesome, and that’s coming from me, the guy who passed up the eighth grade dance to go to a sewing class with my stepmom.”

Zoe giggles, “I can’t believe you did that. Fine, Connor and I will be there.”

Jeremy pumps his fist and high fives her before saying he needs to check if Sarah, the costume designer, finish making him costume. 

He heads to the backroom to see that Christine is in there. She turns around and smiles, “hey Jeremy, Sarah told me your costume is in closet B.” Jeremy opens it up to see his finished costume and smiles, it looks great. 

Christine offhandedly tells him, “try it on, make sure it fits and such.” 

Jeremy glances at her and purses his lips, putting the costume back. “I’ll do it later.” Christine frowns, but shrugs it off and goes back to highlighting something on a sheet of paper. 

Jeremy asks her, “what’re you doing?” 

She turns to him and sighs, "Chloe can’t seem to remember where to go when she’s in between moving props, so I’m highlighting them. Maybe she’ll be able to figure out that when she’s done pulling the curtain across the stage in the second act, she has nothing else to do and can sit on the floor if she wants to.” Jeremy giggles and sits next to her on the couch as she continues highlighting words. 

There are days when Jeremy thinks Christine could be Jamaica. They both have this sense of humor where they make fun of someone else, but in an innocent way. She shares interest in many of the things they do, and is passionate about the things and people she loves, just like Jamaica. He could imagine dating Christine, especially since he crushed hard on her in ninth grade. The feelings for her still exist somewhere in his heart, but, they kind of morphed in friend-love. Philia, he thinks that’s what it’s called. The love between friends. 

He looks at her for a long time before winging it and deciding to ask her, “hey, um, Chris?” She looks up for the paper with her eyebrows raised, “do you have any siblings?” 

She narrows her eyebrows then answers, “yeah, I have three little brothers. Why?” 

Jeremy, glances away, so she isn’t Jamaica, got it. “Just wondering.” 

Christine caps her highlighter and turns to him, and Jeremy does the same to her. “I was talking to Zoe yesterday and she told me about Saturday night. How was that?”

Jeremy sighs and shrugs, “fine I guess. Jared’s definitely his own person.”

Christine nods, then asks, “I’ve never seen you hang out with him, and I know he had a falling out with your stepbrother. What made you want to hang out with him?”

For a split second, Jeremy considers telling her about the emails and him being blackmailed, it would be nice to have a person to give him advice on how to deal with this, or just for someone else to know. But then his chest gets heavy and his hands start to sweat, because telling her about the emails would also mean telling her that he’s Bi, and Jeremy’s not sure he can handle that.

Instead he says, “not sure, just thought it might have been fun.”

Christine nods her head and checks the time, “shoot! Cmon rehearsal starts in a minute!”

After rehearsal ends, Jeremy walks out to the parking lot to see Michael waiting for him in his ugly PT Cruiser, blasting Bon Jovi and probably playing a video game on his phone. He opens up Michael’s car door and plops down in the seat. Michael nods at him and starts backing out of the spot. They both arranged to hang out at Waffle House after play rehearsal. 

A few minutes later they’ve arrived and order huge plates of waffles, planning on stuffing themselves to the max while they do homework.  
Jeremy’s working on physics when Michael clears his throat to get his attention. He looks up and Michael says, “um, are you ok?”

Tilting his head, Jeremy raises an eyebrow and replies, “yeah. Why’re you asking?”

Michael shrugs, glancing around the restaurant, “I don’t know. It’s just, you seem quieter lately. Like you have something to say but can’t? I just don’t want to ignore what’s going on, because, well, you never know.”

Jeremy smiles sadly and takes Michael’s hand. “I’m fine, really, just a bit stressed with...school and the play and such.” He wants to tell Michael why he’s being so weird, but honestly, doesn’t want to drag him into this mess. Unlike most of his friends, he’s not afraid of telling Michael that he’s bisexual, because Michael is gay. The only thing that’s keeping him from doing so is Jeremy not wanting to have Michael keep a secret like this from their other friends. 

“Ok, but you know you can tell me anything right?”

Jeremy nods and pulls his hand away as the waitress comes with their food. Michael rubs his hands together and says good luck as they devour their waffles. 

As he takes a sip of his drink, Jeremy looks at Michael eating while trying to do math at the same time. He’s failing. 

He also notices that Michael’s tongue sticks out of his mouth whenever he’s concentrating really hard. He’s known that about Michael for many years, but always seems a bit surprised when he sees him unconsciously doing it. It also makes him look even more cute. 

Anyone who says Michael isn’t cute is a hot liar, or blind. Jeremy’s never been attracted to him, (except for that 1 week in eighth grade), but he isn’t blind. 

He remembers meeting Michael in the third grade. He had just moved to a new school after his dad and Heidi got married. Jeremy was a nervous wreck and couldn’t seem to talk to anyone. He decided to sit down at a mostly empty table and wishes he had his DS or a book. 

_Michael came over to him only a few minutes later and asks him, “what’s with the headband?”_

_Jeremy was wearing a blue headband that day and it accidentally slipped down so it was covering his forehead. So the first thing that Jeremy decided to say was a quote from A Very Potter Musical, “It’s to cover up this nasty scar I’ve got. When I was a baby, my parents and I were in a car crash, with a crocodile. The crocodile ate them, then took out a knife to give me this scar.”_

_Surprisingly, Michael understood the reference and laughed. They sat at lunch together and bonded over video games and such._

Jeremy smiles fondly at the memory, missing how simple life was back then. Including the homework.

Stupid physics.


	13. Chapter 13

In all honesty, Jeremy should have thought through what he wore to school when he knew that the bus has no air conditioning, but, whatever. School spirit, right?

It’s spirit week at Middleborough, and that means dressing up all week in ridiculous costumes. Jeremy originally didn’t want to participate in it, but Jenna told him that if he didn’t show up to school dressed appropriately, then she would crop clothes onto his pictures and Jeremy doesn’t want to see how that plays out. 

The theme for the Monday was music timelines, so the Freshmen dress up as ‘groovy’ 70’s people, the Sophomores are rappers from the 80’s, Juniors are Emo 90’s and the Seniors are Kpop. He’s not completely sure if those are in the right time periods, but who cares? They all look really good. After the bus drops them off, Christine grabs him and brings him to a table where a bunch of Juniors are getting makeup and hair done. Michael’s hair is being spiked up by Liz and Brooke is cringing as Chloe puts a fake nose ring on her. They both wave to Jeremy as he sits down. Christine pulls out dark eyeliner and puts it on him while he tries to not run away. She told him last night about this, so he knew about the eyeliner, but it’s still uncomfortable to having something so close to your eye.

The entire school looks insane, but if Jeremy had to pick, his favorite would be Connor Murphy with pastel pink hair, wearing some Kpop band t-shirt and in tights. Purely because it’s a creative costume. Obviously.

***

The next day is gender-bend day. Jeremy doesn’t participate that day.

***

The next day is color day. The Junior are blue, which is a style Jeremy totally agrees with. He shows up to school in his blue cardigan, blue shoes, blue jeans and blue shirt. His blue eyes add to the whole deal too.

Oh and it’s his birthday as well.

He’s gonna officially celebrate with his family, Michael, Brooke and Christine on Saturday (sadly Evan won’t be able to make it) but for school Christine and Brooke bring a gigantic cake to eat at lunch. Michael makes a point to say how he hates that it’s all vanilla and this is discriminatory towards chocolate lovers (he eats the cake anyway). The thing is huge so the surrounding tables get cake as well. Jeremy is also celebrated with a very loud performance of Happy Birthday. The rest of the cafeteria joins in even if they don’t know him because that’s cafeteria etiquette. A couple of people that Jeremy owes favors to get a piece of cake.

Lunch is pretty sweet that day, no pun intended, except for a small incident.

Jeremy couldn’t help himself from staring at Jake Dillinger’s sleeveless arms for longer than a socially acceptable time. He leans against his fist as he stares, and who can blame him? Jake is very attractive. Sadly he was so immersed in Jake that he didn’t notice Jenna video taping him on Snapchat looking at Jake and putting a caption saying no homo????? And posting to her story. 

He doesn’t see it until next passing period. He freezes in the hallway. Jenna has practically the whole school following her. He quickly texts her and says lol thats funny but could u pls take it down. U dont have 2 if u dont want 2. Of course she responds in ten seconds saying of course ill take it down sorry if i made u uncomfortable but i dont really blame u, jake is hot. He snorts and is glad to see the video is gone.

That was the first embarrassing incident that week.

***

Thursday morning Jeremy starts quietly wheezing as his rib cage starts rattling with every breath. He tries to tough it out, but eventually raises his hand and fast-walks to the bathroom. Of course he forgot to take his binder off last night. He studied so late for his Calculus test that he fell asleep with it on. Idiot. Jeremy sits on the toilet, trying to shift it around but finds no solution. 

Well, he has the same class as Brooke in the next two periods, so if he waits another...he checks his watch, 40 minutes, he can borrow her hoodie. Yeah, that’ll work. He gets off the toilet, washes his hands and walks down the hall, trying to take deep breaths. He looks up to see if anyone is noticing him in the halls. No one else is looking, except for, Jared, who looks like he’s getting something from his locker. Jared stares at Jeremy heaving as he walks to his class as quick as he can without hurting himself. 

He’s almost at his class when Jared gets in his way. Jeremy glares down at him, wanting to tell him to move, but is focusing more on breathing so he doesn’t. Jared opens his mouth and closes it a couple times and asks him, “how long have you been wearing...it? Because I hear you’re not supposed to wear it that long.”

Oh. Right.

Jared remembers that.

Evan tells Jeremy to get dressed for bed. Jeremy races up the stairs and grabs his clothes to change in the bathroom. He’s 10 years old and Heidi and his dad are out with Jared’s parents for grown-up night. Evan is babysitting Jared and him until they get home. Jared is kinda nice, Jeremy supposes. He’s a lot less quiet than Evan and him, but he isn’t mean. 

Evan and Jeremy share a room so Jeremy changes in the bathroom since he’s not comfortable changing in front of Evan yet. He walks in the bathroom and takes off his shirt. Jeremy’s about to take off his binder when the door opens and he turns to see Jared looking right at him. They both scream as Jared slams the door and runs away and Jeremy leans against the door with big eyes. 

Eventually Evan calms down Jeremy by talking to him through the door. After approval from Jeremy, Evan explains to Jared that Jeremy is transgender and wears special clothing to look more like who he is supposed to be. Jared nods along and quietly apologizes to Jeremy about screaming.

“I didn’t think you remembered that.”

Jared glances around then shrugs, “yeah...You should take that off though. You could get pneumonia.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes and retorts, “I’ll be fine.” He tries to go past the tiny goblin, but Jared is persistent and gets in his way. He holds up his hands and asks him again to take it off.

Giving in, Jeremy quietly says, “I have nothing to cover myself with.” God this is such a joke. He should be having this conversation with Heidi, or his dad or Evan. Not this freak that’s still blackmailing him.

Jared thinks for a moment, then slides of his jacket and extends it to Jeremy. He looks at Jared’s jacket for a moment and says, “really?” Jared nods, so Jeremy reluctantly takes it and thanks Jared as he walks to the bathroom. He can’t help but change out of his binder in shock. Maybe Jared isn’t a total ass?

Nah. He’s still is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thnx for reading! Btw, I posted a really long one-shot au of the Netfllix movie To All The Boys I've Loved Before, just a few days ago. Check it out if you want to! Chao!


	14. Emails

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Nov 7 at 10:35 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Xander,

Dude, I've been listening to sad songs playlist and I cried 3 times this week. This isn't ok. I'm losing my masculinity. My friend was super worried when he saw me crying in my car, but when I told him he just teased me. Jokes on him, he had to run a lap for talking. 

So...I've been thinking all yesterday. I saw the poster for the student expression concert. I'm not sure you know what it is, I only found out yesterday when I saw the poster. It's like a thing where students can sign up to perform anything that makes them who they are. Pretty neat. Auditions for it are 2 weeks before the actual performance night. You should perform your song. I know you don't really want to reveal yourself, and if you don't want me to find out who you are I won't even go, but I want you to do it. If I knew your actually name I would have put it on the sign-up sheet. It's next semester in the middle of January. Totally your decision, but I think you would do great.

I just...really love what you wrote. Besides the sad songs, I've been listening to yours on repeat. It cheers me up after listening to the depressing stuff. You're that amazing.

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Nov 7 at 2:15 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Jamaica,

I'm touched. Really. That might have been the greatest compliment I've ever gotten. I haven't heard of this concert, but it sounds familiar. My brother probably went a few times. I'll ponder on it. I actually don't have the song completely finished...hehe. It's just a few lyrics that need to be added.

People are really weird. And I'm so tired of trying to figure out what a person is like, because they might be a jerk to you but then they do something incredibly kind? Are you're like? And suddenly you reevaluate them in your mind and it's just a huge mess of teenage personality bs that I can't even be bothered to try and understand because things just suck. Sorry for the rant, don't bother responding to this. I trust you to not judge. I know you won't. You have a lot worse dirt on me.

Another thing, how did you know you weren't straight? 

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Nov 8 at 11:49 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Xander,

You're right, I have a whole lot more more dirt on you compared to a harmless rant. 

How did I know I wasn't straight? It's actually a funny story. So I was with my friends one night and we were with this guy who had a bunch of fake ID's so like a bunch of idiots, we went out to a bar. We were a bit buzzed before we got there, so it was too late when we realized that the bar we went to...was a gay bar. I immediately got separated from my friend by the crowd and ended up getting a lap dance from some guy, and, I didn't hate it. It felt really good. The next morning was very - to put in simple words - stressful.

Of course, all the other guys pretended they didn't remember anything. They did, otherwise they would have told everyone how they don't even remember how many ladies they fucked. Imagine that. They're telling people about *that image* and I'm just like, actually you were the one getting fucked. The school would have blown up, literally, like in Mean Girls. Almost. 

Now you must tell me your story.

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Nov 8 at 9:23 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Jamaica,

It's Heathers where the school almost blows up. You were close though, they could both be named Mean Girls.

My internal coming out was pretty boring. Freshman year I was staring at this really cute guy and thought, he would be a nice person to date. Then I had a quick panic attack and googled how Bisexual people feel. I searched tumblr and found out pretty quickly that if you admit that you would have sex with someone of the same gender, then you're not straight.

I'm pretty sure I've always been this way. My mindset about the way I'm attracted to people didn't change in the slightest, I guess I just assumed I was straight, and this is how straight people think. I should've realized earlier whenever my friend would tease me for saying that some guy on the TV or someone at school is really handsome. They would say how if I'm gonna say stuff like that, then I need to say no homo after it to confirm not gay.

That's about it.

From,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Nov 9 at 7:01 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Xander,

That's actually really relatable. Huh, guess I'm not as individual as I thought.

Speaking of getting drunk, I once went to a carnival with a friend of mine and their old brother and all of his college friends. They gave me "lemonade" to drink all night. I chugged it before we went inside. It was so, so spiked. I was stumbling within 5 minutes. The first roller coaster I went on was this giant circle where you went upside down. Let's just say that I felt bad for everyone on that ride. I don't go on upside down roller coasters anymore.

Now that I told you something embarrassing about me, you must do the same thing. If you're comfortable with it. I demand anything that might be adorable. More adorable than you already are.

From,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Nov 10 at 12:03 am  
SUBJECT: Re: Just Do It

Jamaica,

I am very sorry for that traumatizing experience, you sound so scarred. 

Hmm, embarrassing story? Can't think of any. I'm just too perfect.

YEET.

When I was 12, my stepmom walked in on me, uh, touching myself. I wasn't making any noise, and she was at an awkward angle so she only saw what looked like my hand in my pants. So as a cover-up, I told her my underpants were irritating me and I was adjusting them. So naturally she assumed that there was something wrong with my underwear, so she bought me all new underwear made from completely different fabric. 

They were so, so uncomfortable. I hated them so much. After wearing them for a week I got a rash between my crotch and my leg. My dad took me to the doctor and the doctor recommended this other kind of underwear that was different from my original and the new and gave me cream to put on the rash. The underwear felt fine, but there were none in my size. We went to a bunch of stores but none were in my size, so I wore my brothers underwear. 

When he finally asked why I was borrowing his underwear, my stepmom said she caught me adjusting my underwear. And my brother just gave me this look, and I knew he knew what I was really doing. He took my stepmom away to another room and told her what I was actually doing (thank god it wasn't in front of me, I might of actually died). After that I went back to my normal underwear.

You're welcome. You got to hear a story about the clothes I put on top of my crotch.

Honestly, I haven't told anyone this much embarrassing and personal stuff before. It's nice to know that I can tell you literally anything. Except for my name and appearance. I don't have to hide things about myself like I do most of my other friends. And it's not like my friends and family are jerks, but, it's like they have this boxed idea of me, and if I step out of the box, they may begin to question everything I was before. With you, there is no box. It's just open space, everywhere I go, and there's no doubt in my mind that if I suddenly show this part of myself that I don't bring out much you won't say anything to make me regret it, even on accident.

I'm getting all angsty. I do have great friends and family, and I love them so much, but, they aren't you. Sorry for all the sap, I'm exhausted. Good night.

Love,  
Xander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch it? ;)


	15. Chapter 15

If there was a time where Jeremy wanted a super power more than anything, right now would be that time. He would go back in time and beat the living shit out of his past self for typing that one goddamn word.

_Love_

God, how could he be so stupid? He writes a long sappy paragraph about Jamaica and then ends the email with the most powerful word in the language of romance. He wants to blame it on the lack of sleep he got because, you know, high school, but he knows that he did mean that. He really loves them. And he might of just blown his only chance!

It’s 7:00 am and Jeremy is walking to school while having a mini panic attack. The bus showed up early today, so he has to walk. He can’t take his eyes off of the last two words he typed. Thankfully his path to school is a stranded path in the woods behind his house, so no one can see him freaking out.

Maybe he can say he didn’t mean it? Or that it was a typo? Or should he confess his feelings for Jamaica and meet them at school today? Jeremy’s head spins faster and faster with spiraling thoughts because who knows how long it will be until Jamaica sees it! He’s about to open a new email when his phone goes off, signaling that he’s got mail. Jeremy swipes down and practically jumps up and down as it loads. The spinning thing mocks him as he prays it’s Jamaica.

It’s Jamaica.

He opens the emails urgently and reads it.

_Well that’s quite a story there, and hilarious. Seriously I need to hear more about this._

_And I feel the same way about you too. Everything’s natural, like, uhh, like my friend’s habit of stroking his chin. God why did I type that???? Anyway, I know you know what I mean. I just, I like me better when I’m with you._

_Love,_  
_Jamaica_

Jeremy seems to stare for way too long at the email. His throat gets tights and his stomach gets a sensation he can’t seem to describe. He doesn’t notice the tremer appearing in his hands, for the only thing on his oh-so-love-struck mind is the same word that he was cursing before.

_Love_

And if you ask Jeremy what happened, he will not tell you that he screamed “yes” as loud as he could and broke into what only could be called the nerdiest victory dance ever. Because that is absolutely not what happened.

***

The week before finals comes much sooner than later. The only good thing about the week before finals is black out night for theatre kids. No one is really sure how they got permission to stay at school all night, but they won’t question it. Only an hour after rehearsal is done, the auditorium is filled with people’s blankets, pizza, hot chocolate, candy and a few healthy snacks because Reyes demanded it. The teenagers are all yelling at Les, who is struggling to get the movie to play. Christine eventually helps him and they turn off the lights to watch How To Train Your Dragon. Jeremy convinced Christine to play it first since it’s his favorite.

He grabs a bag of popcorn and a hot chocolate before looking for a place to sit. He scans the area and sighs since most of his friends are already surrounded by people. One of the cons of having popular friends. Jeremy is about to sit by himself in the corner when he catches a hand waving at him. Jeremy squints and sees Connor smiling at him and gesturing at an empty spot next to him. Butterflies start fluttering in Jeremy’s chest as he walks over and sits next to Connor. As the boy fishing on the moon shows up on screen, Jeremy leans over and whispers to Connor, “I actually named my cat after Toothless.”

Connor’s face lights up, “that’s so cool!” Jeremy nods his head without looking at Connor too long. He probably couldn’t look into Connor’s eyes for too long without fainting.

Throughout the movie Jeremy finds himself switching around his sitting position around a ridiculous amount of times. If it’s any consolation though, Connor shifts around just as much as him.

At the climax of the movie, when Hiccup and Toothless are fighting the dragon, Jeremy finds himself propped up on his elbows and on his stomach. His eyes are glued to the screen as the battle gets more and more intense. Right as the bad dragon spits fire, he feels a gasp unusually close to his face.

He turns and jerks back to see Connor only inches from his face. Jeremy seems to freeze, thankful that Connor didn’t notice his jerk and trying to regain his breath without drawing attention. Jeremy slowly eases back next to Connor, softly smiling to himself at how close they are.

About halfway through the next movie people start getting up to go walk around the school and have fun. The teachers should all be gone. Jeremy follows Christine and Madeline into the cafeteria and asks, “what are we doing?”

Christine waves him over to the tables stacked in the corner. Madeline says, “we’re gonna ride these motherfuckers.” Jeremy chokes on air for a second before getting a shrug from Christine and help them push one into the mall.

Mall is what they call the main hall. It’s the biggest hallway in the building.

More people show up as they pull the table into the mall. Madeline tells them to get another table. She starts sitting in the middle of the rolling table as Chloe, who is watching from the wall, asks, “are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

Madeline nods, “yeah, a bunch of senior guys last year showed me how to do this.”

She directs Christine and Jeremy to start pushing her on 3 and to stop after they pass the pillar, which is about 6 yards away. Jeremy glances around at the ground of people watching, and realizes that if he screws up she could get severely mamed. Christine looks just as jittery as he does, but Madeline is already counting down, so it’s too late to back out.

On 3 they both push as hard as they can, and the table starts moving at a very slow pace. Madeline tells them to put their backs into it, so Jeremy propels himself forward as hard as they can when they reach the pillar. Christine and him watch as Madeline goes flying down the halls while letting out a long, high-pitched “whoop” and stops herself from slamming into the wall with her legs.

Soon enough, everyone’s asking for a turn. Jeremy eventually gets to go, and it feels really good. The ending was very scary, but it’s a small price to pay for the ride. They do that for a very long time.

***

A few hours later, Liz has convinced everyone to do a mass game of hide and seek. 5 people are going to be the seekers while everyone else hides. When everyone splits up to hide, Jeremy runs around for about half a minute before finding an open janitor closet and hiding in it. He leans against the wall and pulls out his phone, makes the brightness super low and goes through Tumblr. He plans on being here for a while.

Jeremy shuts off his phone when he hears shoes squeaking. He’s about to slide to the floor when the door goes flying open then shut again in an instant. Jared’s in here now.

Jeremy opens his mouth to speak, but Jared shakes his head quickly. Jeremy shuts his mouth and listens to the hallway. Only a moment later he hears someone say, “I could’ve sworn I heard someone in here.”

“Dude, they’re probably upstairs by now, cmon!”

They run away, and Jeremy relaxes again. Sort of. Jared in here, and it’s kind of hard to not think that his breathing is the loudest thing he’s ever heard, but it’s not like Jeremy can tell him to stop breathing. The space between is very awkward, and stale. Jared is looking anywhere but Jeremy, which isn’t that hard because it’s pretty dark in the closet.

Jared twiddles his thumbs, and with a forced kind of air, he asks, “has Zoe mentioned me in any of your talks, or whatever?”

Jeremy looks down, his mouth in a sour curve. He shrugs.

Jared wipes his face with his sleeve, “cmon man! You said you would help me get Zoe!”

Jeremy glares at Jared, “actually Jared, I didn’t! You told me to help her date you, or else you were going to expose to everyone that I’m-” he lowers his voice, “that in Bi. Which is so messed up.”

“Jeremy, I said I wouldn’t tell anyone-”

“Then why did you take pictures of my emails?! Huh?!” Jeremy holds up his hands and gets close to Jared's face, even in the dark he can tell Jared looks uncomfortable. “Are you that much of a coward to not even admit that you’re blackmailing me?”

Jared freezes for a second, and Jeremy quickly decides that he doesn’t care about the game and opens the door to get away from Jared. He slams the door open and into the wall before furiously walking away, only stopped by Jared’s pathetic attempt to grab at Jeremy’s arm. Jeremy quickly turns around and practically spits in Jared’s face, “what!”

Jared’s mouth stays open, like he’s searching for words, then he speaks. “I’m sorry man. I guess that, I just,” Jared’s eyes scatter around the hallway for a second. His hands are fidgeting and for the first time Jeremy is seeing him look not so confident in himself that he radiates jackass. It's kind of appalling. “I don’t wanna be the bad guy,” he chuckles softly with his eyes glued to the ground, then looks up, “I guess so much that I convinced myself that I wasn’t blackmailing you. I’m sorry.”

The only thing between them right now is air and it feels like it's disappearing. At least to Jeremy. The apology actually sounded pretty sincere. Jeremy smiles.

The last thing Jeremy expected Jared to do was to take out his phone and delete the photos of Jeremy and Jamaica’s emails in front of him, but that’s actually what happens. Jeremy thinks his jaw might’ve actually dropped. His mouth opens and closes while his brain tries to find the words to describe his shock. He was so convinced that Jared was gonna never delete those and hold Jeremy under his thumb forever. This feels, great.

Jared puts his phone away, and they stare at each other for a second. Jeremy holds up his fist, and Jared fist bumps him with a small smile on his face. Jeremy crosses his arms and says, “Zoe’s a really big fan of murder mysteries.”

Jared grins and walks out of the hallway. Jeremy slides down the wall and waits for the game to end.

***

Several hours later people are finally going to sleep. There are blow up mattresses, blankets, sleeping bags, comforters and more spread all across the stage. Lots of people are laying down now, but Jeremy still hasn't changed so he exits to the hallways to find a bathroom. He walks down the main one, but stalls when he hears two of the guys from theatre in there. He hesitates, and starts walking to another restroom. He sees the family and teachers bathroom and starts heading there, but sadly he is noticed Christine, who is walking back from changing herself.

“Why're you going in there, Jere?” She snorts, folding her jeans in her arms, “ha that rhymed.”

Jeremy nods his head, and glances at the door. He considers lying, but is overtaken with this huge sense of confidence. Before the adrenaline and thundering heartbeat starts, Jeremy tells her, “um, I'm actually trans.”

She blinks, and that's when the fear kicks in. It only lasts for a few seconds. Christine smiles, “ok, cool! Thank you for having the courage to tell me.”

Jeremy nervously smiles back, “thank you for accepting me.”

“Of course.” She walks back to the stage, leaving Jeremy to ponder in the hallway about how simple that was. He shakes his head and goes into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I take so long, just busy! Hope you like!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the ending is based off of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaEm1-JCXio) video.

Heidi has never supported Toothless being on the couch, which is one of the many reasons she always has blankets on top of them, but she never said Toothless couldn't be in Jeremy's lap. Granted, it’s still on the couch, but she’s technically not _touching_ the couch so-

 

“I’m gonna get another slice from the kitchen and that cat better be off the couch when I get back.” Heidi walks out of the living room with her empty plate. Jeremy sighs and places Toothless on the ground.

 

He scratches her ears and says, “sorry, she’s not very nice.”

 

Jeremy’s dad is flipping through the recordings on the TV, looking for something for them to watch while they wait for Evan to come home. He just finished his last final and will be home in around an hour.

 

“How about we watch a Christmas movie?” Jeremy’s dad says. Jeremy raises an eyebrow. He looks at the screen and squints at what the selected film is.

 

Jeremy holds up one finger, “ok, first of all we’re not Christian.” A second finger, “and second of all, Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.”

 

Jason shakes his head, “son, you haven’t even seen this movie. And you don’t have to be Christian to enjoy a good movie. We’re watching it.” He goes to select the movie before hesitating. He yells into the kitchen,”honey!? Do you think it’s ok for Jeremy to watch Die Hard?”

 

Jeremy reframes from rolling his eyes. His dad can be very overbearing sometimes. Heidi walks into the room with her pizza in hand. She scrunches her face. “He’s a big boy, he can handle some blood. Right?”

 

He nods, so Jason starts the movie. Jeremy alternates between scrolling through Tumblr and watching the movie, until the bad guys shows up. And they start shooting. He eventually puts his phone away and gives his full attention to the movie. When the cop guy throws one of the bad guys body onto the cop’s car, the doorbell rings.

 

Toothless goes beserk, running straight to the door and jumping on it. Jeremy leaps up from his seat and gets to the door in record time. He unlocks it and opens it. A cold wind bursts in his face, but it doesn’t stop him from launching himself into Evan’s arms. He hugs his brother tightly until Evan finally asks if they can get out of the cold. The proper greetings commence as Heidi and Jason embrace Evan. They pause the movie and move into the kitchen to catch up on “how were finals?” “Are you seeing anyone?” “Is the dorm warm at night?” Most of them are asked by Heidi, but Jeremy and his dad manage to sneak a few in.

 

“Did you stop at Wawa?”

 

Evan gives him the lookTM. “Do you even know me?”

 

Jeremy has another slice of Hawaiian pizza while Heidi and his dad ask the most ridiculous and invasive questions to Evan. Evan tells funny stories about his very quiet roommate who came back drunk and threw up in an empty popcorn bag before passing out. Heidi talks about a guy who came into the law firm and asked for a restraining order from a dog that wouldn’t stop following him. His dad talks about a divorced couple that went to court over a painting of Annoying Orange.

 

“Jeremy, got any funny stories?”

 

Jeremy blinks at his family looking at him. He thinks through the past few weeks.

 

_Well I found out that I’m deeply and ridiculously in love with the guy I email online with. Remember the guy that you ended up hating last year Evan? Yeah, he’s been blackmailing me since the beginning of the year with pictures of the emails that I sent to the person I’m in love with, that also state that I am bisexual. But it’s ok because he deleted them! Of course that doesn’t ease the fact that he also knows that I’m trans, but we’re sort of cool, right? So now all I have to deal with is the terrifying and looming fact that I am in love with a person that I have never met and may never meet because it seems like they’ll never reveal themself because they’re scared. Which they have every right to be, but if they really mean the Love, Jamaica, then they need to show it. Also did I mention I’m bisexual?_

 

“Nah not really.”

 

They finish talking after about an hour, and then they move back to the movie. Evan settles in next to Jeremy with Toothless on his lap. Heidi doesn’t say anything about it though. When the commercials come, Jeremy bumps Evan’s arm with his. Evan turns to him, “yeah?”

 

“I missed you.”

 

Evan smiles and pulls him into a side hug. “Missed you too little bro.”

 

***

 

It’s like, the 3rd day of Hanukkah when Evan and their parents go out to register his car or something, leaving the house to Jeremy. They’ll also be going to the mall, so he’ll be alone for a while. Which gives him plenty of time to put the lyrics in his music.

 

Last week, he was planning on doing it but he had a sudden inspiration to change the chorus lyrics, and the title of the song, so he got delayed. Jeremy isn’t exactly sure when he decided that he was gonna make a song, but it happened along the way of him playing around with Garage Band one night, and actually liking what he was making. He ended up taking it a lot farther than he expected.

 

Jeremy opens Audacity on his laptop and starts playing the song. Well, he’s technically done some of the audio, since the beginning is just Jeremy humming, but with a whole lot of autotune. After the first time he did it, he realized it totally sounded like a violin, which made it even better. The instrument parts were recorded at school during his lunch period. He sadly doesn’t own a guitar, nor piano. He already knew how to play piano, he took lessons from ages 7 to 11. Zoe taught him a few chords to get him started on the guitar, and he learned the rest from YouTube.

 

Anyway, he starts singing at the wrong time a whole bunch of times. He records many, many different variations of each lyric that comes out of his mouth to go into editing later. He makes tea after an hour because singing can _hurt_ sometimes. He double checks that he didn’t totally forget to put music into one part and he refrains from screaming in frustration when he realizes he _didn’t press record_.

 

The most fun he had though, was the recording of him saying damn, “damn.”

 

Jeremy never really had an idea on how to pronounce it, or say it, so he starts going wild.

 

“Burnin’ through the hours talkin’, _damn_.” He says it like a wolf-whistler on the street. It feels wrong so he does it again.

 

“Burnin’ through the hours talkin’, _damn_.” He says it like he’s caught-off guard.

 

Soon enough he finds out that saying it like he’s out of breath, but kind of husky sounds the best. He decides to play around with it though.

 

“Burnin’ through the hours talkin’, _lamb_.”

 

“Burnin’ through the hours talkin’, _yams_.”

 

“Burnin’ through the hours talkin’, _scam_.”

 

“ _Kablam_.”

 

“ _Toucan Sam_.”

 

“ _LaMb_.”

 

The recording is finished by five, and the song is complete by 7. Jeremy listens to his baby all night.


	17. Emails

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Dec 22 at 6:46 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: I’m Jewish Bitch

Jamaica,

I hope that you are having a good winter break and lots of sleep. I know that I’ve gotten a lot, my stepmom didn’t even bother trying to wake me up when I slept to 12. It was the best sleep I’ve gotten in a long time. Finals kicked my ass, I was kind of upset that I mostly got B’s, but I still ended up A’s in all my classes so there’s that.

My stepbrother came back! From college, obviously. He barely managed to convince my stepmom to not come and pick him up. She was a bit upset at that, and I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be driving him back. Anyway, he’s been getting constant hugs from my parents, and it’s kind of funny when he silently mouths at me “help me” whenever he’s being crushed.

Also, I didn’t realize that Die Hard was considered a Christmas movie. I mean, I don’t consider it a Christmas movie, it’s a little too bloody.

Love,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Dec 23 at 6:59 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: I’m Jewish Bitch

Xander,

I did get a lot sleep. Of course, I didn’t get the luxury of not being woken up. My sister woke me up around 9:30 so that we could go Ice Skating before there would be a crowd. I don’t know how she woke up and remembered us talking about it, I mean, she forgot her birthday the other day…

Oh and by the way, Happy Hanukkah! I know absolutely nothing about your holiday except that you have dreidels and a candelabra with 8 candles. It’s really not that fair, so feel free to tell me about it.

My parents are back!!! They came home about 2 hours ago and my sister went ballistic. I almost cried, they were gone for so long.

And Die Hard is obviously a Christmas movie. That’s not even a question.

Love,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Dec 24 at 11:30 am  
SUBJECT: Re: I’m Jewish Bitch

Jamaica,

Merry Christmas Eve!

I’m sure that your parents are very happy to be home back with you 2. I’m sorry you were left alone for so long, I wish I could come see you.

Kids are weird, I can tell you that. My friend’s little cousins are all insane, I try to stay away at all times. I’m like, really bad with kids. You’re sister sounds really sweet from the way you talk about her. She probably was really looking forward to skating with you. Was it fun? I bet you barely fell. I have like, no coordination, I think I would die if I tried to ice skating.

And yeah, Hanukkah has dreidels and the Menorah. It’s actually got 9 candles on it, but nice try. Honestly my favorite thing about Hanukkah is the latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiyot (jam filled donuts). Hanukkah isn’t really a very big holiday, not like Christmas.

One advantage of being Jewish though is that I got to throw this giant party on my 13th birthday, called my Bar Mitzvah. It’s this thing where I do a whole long ritual with my Grandfather and family and I go to Hebrew school because I need to read Hebrew to do it. Usually you invite all of the kids in your Hebrew school class to your party, along with your other friends and family. Sadly, nobody in the class liked me and I had a grand total of 2 friends. So it was a giant family party plus 2 friends (and their parents.) It was fun though, I got to be lifted in a chair.

Love,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Dec 24 at 3:47 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: I’m Jewish Bitch

Xander,

That actually sounds like fun. Why have I never been invited to one of these? I wanna be lifted in a chair.

The closest thing in my religious experiences to a Bar Mitzvah would probably be my First Communion. Only it’s really, really boring and I got like nothing out of it. Maybe I’m closer to Jesus or something, but it really felt useless. Well, I was in 2nd grade, so my point of view might be a bit skewed. Anyway, it’s basically where a whole bunch of little kids do stuff to be able to eat bread and drink wine during church. Messed up right? (Not actually it was a joke.)

Well, my experience was a little funny though. I was walking down this really long aisle, and I realized that forgot to bring my little hanging piece of cloth with me, so I started to run back to my seat to get it, but I tripped and slammed face-first into the ground. The priest (guy in charge) blessed me before an ambulance took me out. That was fun.

I’m really not that lonely without my parents to be honest. I have a lot of friends and I have my sister. I do appreciate the gesture though.

Love,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Dec 25 at 9:16 am  
SUBJECT: Re: I’m Jewish Bitch

Jamaica,

I know you won’t see this today because you’re celebrating with your family, but Merry Christmas! I hope you got really good presents and lots of joy. You really, really deserve to be happy.

I hope you know that I’m not stupid. You’re good at hiding it, but I can tell even through these words that you do feel lonely. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it, it’s a natural to feel alone when someone you love isn’t around. Trust me, I get it. When my mom left, it hurt so much, I had friends but my dad became totally depressed. Nobody deserves that pain. I just got a letter from my mom the other day, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. I mean, I love her, it’s just...ugh.

Sorry for making this about me, but I just want you to know, I get it. I’ll always be here.

Love,  
Xander


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Ecstasy, Crying, Cutting (it's barely mentioned and not a main character though)

How Zoe managed to convince Jeremy to come has to be a work of magic. Jeremy convincing Michael and Brooke to come to a party with drinking and popular people is a work of God himself.

Liz is throwing a back to school party a week after winter break. It was probably because her boyfriend convinced her to throw it, but no one is arguing with that. Jeremy comes into the party with Michael and Brooke. The party is kind of stupidly big, so they decide to move to the backyard instead. The house has a pool that has at least 20 people in it, even though it’s 60 degrees outside. Jeremy zips up his jacket, but actually it feels a lot less cold than it would feel. Probably because there’s so many people here.

He sits with Brooke and Michael on this little wall on the edge of the fence. They make fun of all the drunk people and dance to the music that they actually like that comes on. Some of the songs that come on aren’t total crap.

Sadly they lose Michael when Rich waves him over from the other side of the backyard. He doesn’t even say bye before he practically sprints to Rich. Jeremy and Brooke shake their heads. Jeremy purses his lips when Brooke looks down, hurt that he left so quickly. At least, that’s what Jeremy thinks she’s doing.

Brooke looks up at him, “I don’t have a crush on Michael, for your information.”

Jeremy blinks. “Did you just read my mind or something?”

She clutches her chest and lets out a breath. Brooke smiles at him and shakes her head, “no, I don’t have any powers, sadly. It just looked like that from your face. As soon as I said that I was like ‘oh my god what if he didn’t actually think that’ and I got really nervous.”

Shaking his head with a laugh, Jeremy replies, “yeah, that would’ve been weird. Sorry for assuming.”

“It’s all good. I’m just sad that Michael has to go through having a crush on Rich of all people. I’m 99 percent sure he’s the definition of no homo, right before you.”

Jeremy fiends being insulted, “well excuse me.”

Brooke rolls her eyes. “You know I’m right.”

A bit later Zoe and Jared of all people come up to them. Zoe is laughing along with Jared, probably about some joke he told her. She has a drink in hand and sips it before asking, “hey guys, glad you could come. Do you wanna play beer pong?”

Brooke and Jeremy nervously look at each other. “We don’t know how to play beer pong.”

Zoe waves her hand, “I can show you fools. C’mon.” Jared, Jeremy and Brooke all follow her to the ping pong table. She grabs a bunch of cups from under the table and arranges them while she sends Jared to go get a bunch of bottles of beer. She’s done when Jared comes back with a bunch of them. She hands one to Brooke and one to Jeremy, “fill it to about a quarter amount of the cup for each.” Jared and her do the same thing on the other side.

When they’re done, Zoe ties her hair back and announces, “ok fools, here is how you play: each team has two ping pong balls.” She reaches under the table and grabs four, handing two to Jeremy and Brooke. “We take turns throwing them into the other team’s cups, and when the person is done, the opposing team has to drink the cups with a ball in it. Whoever gets rid all the other team’s cups wins. You have to keep your body behind the table when you throw the ball. Got it?”

Brooke and Jeremy nod. Zoe and Jared let them go first, so Jeremy touches his nose quickly, “nose goes.” Brooke scowls at him. She grabs the ping pong ball and lifts her head. She takes a deep breath and throws it. It bounces off the side of the table. Brooke tries it again and bounces it off the rim of a cup. Zoe takes her turn and lands 2 perfect shots, so Brooke drinks the beer. She almost chokes on the taste, but she manages to force it down. Jeremy is glad he’s paired with Jared, because he is just as bad at this as Jeremy is. Zoe carries Jared the entire first game.

By the third time, Jeremy is very tipsy and Brooke is very much drunk. They start the game again, and Jeremy doesn’t realize they have a spectator until he talks to Jeremy.

“Do you want a tip?”

Jeremy turns his head and meets eyes with Jake Dillinger. Jake has a toothy smile on, along with a sleeveless, bright pink t-shirt (probably to show off his arms) and cargo shorts. Jeremy shrugs. Jake walks to Jeremy’s right side and helps move Jeremy’s arm into throwing position, different than the way Jeremy was doing it before. Jake shows him how to throw it very quickly, then steps back. Jeremy does as shown and jumps with glee as it lands in the center cup. Jared moves the cup to the side and starts talking to Zoe as Jake leans very close to Jeremy. Jeremy freezes as Jake whispers, “hey, I want you to bounce the ball against the table this time. But don’t throw it until Zoe and Jared aren’t looking, got it?”

Jeremy nods and waits. Jake walks to the other side of the table and stands behind Zoe and Jared. He claps them both on the shoulders and says, “did you guys see Alex throwing up on John?” Zoe and Jared turn to him, and that’s when Jeremy sends his ball. It bounces halfway across the table and plops into a cup. Zoe and Jared turn back, very surprised. Zoe smacks Jake on his arm. “You jerk!”

Brooke and Jeremy both ask, “what?” They turn to each other with a smile and say “jinx.”

Jake smirks, “you bounced it and it went in. That means you can remove another cup along with the one you landed it in.”

Brooke jumps as Jeremy pumps his fist. They high-five and point at which cup they want removed. Zoe begrudgingly takes the cups off the table. Jeremy quickly shouts over the loud music to Jake, “wait, why did you need to distract them?”

Jake answers, “if it bounces, then the other team can swat the ball away.” Jeremy nods his head. Jake throws up a peace sign and walks away after winking at Jeremy.

***

The karaoke machine is nothing but a source of pain and bad singing. Jeremy doesn't know why he's sitting in the same room as it. He's heard drunk versions of Call Me Maybe, Come On Eileen and some barely recognizable Star Wars acapella songs.

He sips his beer and waits patiently between a drunk girl and a couple making out for the next song to come on. There are only a few people in the room that he knows right now. John and Maria are in the corner. Connor is sitting on a chair with a girl from the play, her name is Diane. They're pretty good friends, according to Zoe.

Jeremy is drunk, there's no doubt about that, but he knows that he’s still capable of holding a conversation or something like that. He keeps his hands in his lap and sways, until a harsh hand lands on his shoulder.

Looking up, Jeremy squints at Jared. He looks happy, he’s bouncing. Jeremy slurs, “yes?”

“Hey, do you think now would be a good time to ask out Zoe?”

Of course, Jeremy’s first thought was no. It hasn’t been that long since Zoe and Jared have been talking and she isn’t the type to jump into a relationship. Jared is a nice guy on the inside, even Jeremy of all people can tell that, but he is not the kind of guy you just start dating, especially if you’re not that great friends.

But Jeremy is drunk, and doesn’t want to explain his reasoning so he shrugs and says, “I guess.”

Jared nods his head with a big smile. “Ok. Cool. Got it.”

For God’s sake this is not what Jeremy thought would happen.

Jared has taken the karaoke microphone and is shouting for as many people to come into the room. Many phones are out and recording. Jared holds onto the wall behind him as he says, “is Zoe Murphy in here?”

A few mumbles later Zoe is walking through the crowd and throws up her hands and shouts, “here!” All of the drunk teenagers cheer at this and Zoe even gets a few hugs.

Jared smiles and starts talking loudly into the microphone, making Jeremy flinch. He speaks clearly, for a drunk person, “I would like to ask someone very special to me a very special question.” Jeremy looks down and chews of his tongue, he knows this is gonna end bad. “And I’ve been quite good friends with this lovely lady for some time now. So, in front of all of you glorious and stupid teenagers, I would like to ask Zoe Murphy,” Jeremy keeps his eyes down, he can’t watch this.”If she would do me the honor of going on a date with me.”

No one is speaking, but the room is so loud, it’s almost unbearable. Jeremy can’t even hear the music outside. He finally lifts his head to look at Zoe, who’s to his right.

She looks stunned.

Jeremy can’t take his eyes off of her as she walks to Jared, who is of course grinning like an idiot. She steps close to him, and says quietly, “I don’t like you that.”

Jared’s face crumbles. Zoe looks very apologetic, but also mad. Jeremy doesn’t blame her, she has every right to be. Laughter runs through the crowd, and Jared sprints off stage. Probably out of the house. Jeremy puts his face in his hands.

“Sucks to be that guy.”

Jeremy turns to his left. A girl with rainbow hair is sitting in between him and the couple now. She has a red solo cup much like Jeremy. She smiles at him and he smiles at her. Rainbow-haired girl leans forward and peers in his cup. It’s empty. She smiles and says, “let me get you a refill.” Jeremy doesn’t protest as she pulls this little backpack off of her and pulls out a water bottle. She takes his cup and fills it about a quarter up.

Jeremy raises an eyebrow. Girl with rainbow hair giggles and says, “it’s something to make you feel good.”

“So...alcohol. Is it vodka?”

“Sure.”

Jeremy chugs it. He wishes he didn’t. It tastes like water, but as soon as he finishes the girl launches into a fit of hysterics. Jeremy laughs nervously, “what? What did I do?”

She shakes her head and plants a kiss on his cheek, “somebody’s gonna have fun tonight.” Rainbow hair girl pats his head and staggers away.

Jeremy shakes his head and tosses the empty cup on the floor. He falls against the back of the couch and rests his eyes on the ceiling. She was way out of it if she thought water was gonna do anything to him.

***

Holy shit that water was ecstasy.

The memory of health class talking about the kind of drugs came to his mind, but he quickly forgets about it as he quickly grabs a pillow from the couch and places it between his legs and squeezes as tight as he can. The room is incredibly loud and the lights are too vibrant, but somehow the only thing he can focus on is how incredibly wet he feels. Like, he’s felt horny before, not doubt, but this is ridiculous. He leans over and pushes the pillow tighter onto his crotch. God, his heartbeat is in his crotch.

Looking up though, he manages to stand and avoid his lower area when his eyes land on the lonely microphone.

Now he’s singing ‘Your Love is my Drug” as loud as he can. His heartbeat is impossibly loud. He jumps around on the little stage, probably getting his sweat everywhere. Some random person has joined him and Jeremy throws his arm around that person as they scream. He feels absolutely fantastic. And incredibly horny, still.

Sadly a few moments later, a loud and familiar voice screams, “Jeremy!?”

He lets go of the person and looks down. It’s Michael. Jeremy smiles widely and waves at him. Michael, bewildered, waves back and asks, “what are you doing?”

“Ummm, singing. D-uhhhh.” Jeremy waves his hands around, not completely sure what he’s doing.

Michael pinches the bridge of his nose. “What have you been drinking?”

Jeremy practically screams with joy, “VODKA!”

Looking even more flabbergasted, Michael walks towards him, “ok, I think it’s time for you to go home.” He reaches to grab Jeremy’s wrist, but Jeremy jerks back and pokes his tongue out at Michael.

“You can’t catch me!”

Michael sighs and walks to Jeremy, but he obviously can’t tell how hyped up Jeremy is, because he practically falls on his ass when Jeremy sprints at full speed out of the room. Light on his feet, he dodges through the crowd, not stopping when he hears Michael cry, “Jeremy!”

At full speed, Jeremy glides in and out of the kitchen, moving through this game room place and back into a hallway. He finds stairs and heads up them as quickly as he can and giggles as he hunches over and catches his breath. His heartbeat is in his ears, and he’s trembling all over. He giggles, but can’t stop this sudden feeling of dread from surfacing, like a million people are watching him. He heaves before hearing Michael’s call for him. Out of fear of Michael finding him, and this newfound paranoia feeling, he opens a closet door and collapses.

Onto another person.

Jeremy jolts like a fish on a deck and slams his head right into the wall. He looks up and meets his eyes with Rich. Rich raises an eyebrow, “hi?”

Grinning lazily back, Jeremy replies, “hi Rich. What’re you doing in here?”

Rich doesn’t move as Jeremy positions himself in Rich’s lap and leans his head on Rich’s shoulder. Jeremy giggles and sighs, mostly because Rich’s knee is pushing on his crotch, and it feels like, really good.

Rich, not really moving answers, “uhhhhh, it’s kinda loud out there and I have a headache and I’m pretty sure that all of the bedrooms and bathrooms are being used. And what’re you doing in here?”

Jeremy shrugs, “I felt really weird outside and I needed to sit down.” He keeps his forehead on Rich’s shoulder and twitches almost uncontrollably. Rich shifts and lifts Jeremy’s face, examining him, all the while Jeremy smiles at him. “You’re really cute Rich, did you know that?”

Rich chuckles, “yeah, I did, but thank you for the compliment.” He feels Jeremy forehead and carefully sets him back down in his lap. “Jeremy, how high are you?”

Pouting, Jeremy childishly complains, “no, you did it wrong, you’re supposed to compliment me now!”

Rich tuts and says, “ok, fine. Jeremy you are also very cute. Now can you answer my question?” Jeremy feels a bit like Rich is babying him.

“Are you babying me?”

“No!”

Jeremy flinches. Rich mumbles a small apology and asks a different question. “Do you know how you got high?”

A few moments of twitching pass before Jeremy answers, “rainbow hair girl gave me something to make me feel good. And it actually kinda works! I feel great!”

“I’m sure you do. Ok, well, you’re definitely not able to take care of yourself, so I guess we can hang out.”

Jeremy giggles, but something goes into his throat, most likely spit and he chokes. He starts coughing, which turns into more intense coughing, enough for Rich to start slapping his back. Jeremy wheezes out for a last time before turning into putty in Rich’s arms. He feels a tear fall down his face as he mumbles to Rich, “I hate ecstasy.”

Rich pats his head and replies, “just wait it out man, things will get quieter, then you’ll feel less touchy-feely and then you’ll stop being so sensitive to touch. Soon enough you’ll just be hung over. Trust me, I’ve been in your position many times before.”

Limp and twitching, Jeremy decides to just breath for a while. His head buzzes as tries to not think, which is making him think more. Sweat runs down his face and rolls onto Rich’s back. Things are peaceful for a moment.

Until, Jeremy twitches violently and remembers how incredibly horny he is.

Jeremy shifts in Rich’s lap and leans in to kiss Rich. Rich only barely manages to dodge Jeremy’s lips and ask, “what the hell man?”

Groaning, Jeremy gestures at his whole body, “I just generally feel bad, and I think making out would make me feel a lot better.”

Rich rolls his eyes, “I don’t think that you’re thinking straight.”

Jeremy giggles . Yeah this isn’t really straight, much like Jeremy himself. But instead he says, “I’m thinking perfectly straight Rich.” Jeremy tries to lift himself out of Rich’s lap, but ends up crumbling back onto Rich’s crossed legs. He shifts so his long legs are up the opposite wall and rests his head in Rich’s lap. He looks up at Rich and smiles, and Rich returns the favor. “I would love to make out with you, you’re actually pretty cute. I mean, you’re no Jamaica, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look around.”

Everything sort of drops off of Rich’s face. He stares a bit for a second, which Jeremy finds funny from his angle. Rich gawks for a second, but he eventually asks, “what did you just say?”

Jeremy is about to answer when something loudly bangs into the wall from the other side.

“C’mon Anna, you promised this morning.”

“I am drunk you dickwad. I said no a million times. Hey!”

A door slams shut. Rich quietly whispers “shit” before looking down at Jeremy and carefully moving him out of his lap. Jeremy starts to protest, But Rich says, “I gotta help her. Do not move, I’ll be right back.” Rich leaves the closet, closing the door behind him.

Jeremy, totally unaware as to what is happening, sighs. He rests his head on the floor for what feels like hours. Until ants start crawling on him and he has to go somewhere. Jeremy launches himself up, accidentally kicking the wall and stumbles out of the closet. He wanders down the hall and turns down a pretty long corridor. Or maybe it’s short. It’s hard to tell right now. He stumbles down it and tries to open the first door on his right. It’s locked. Moving towards the next door, he takes a shuddered breath, everything feels weird and off.

A loud “Jeremy!?” echoes through the hallway. It’s Rich. Adrenaline spikes through him, so Jeremy moves as quickly as he can to the next door. He opens it, slides inside and closes it. After doing so he promptly collapses onto the hard floor.

“Uhh, hey?”

Jeremy looks up. It’s...a girl from his school. He squints for a second at her dark hair and long nails. She’s got dark skin and neon yellow high-tops. And she’s leaning over the toilet.

“Hey, uhhh.”

“Steph.”

Jeremy nods his head, “right, Steph, got it.”

“You’re Jeremy right?”

He nods. “Yep. Yeah uh, can I stay in here for a bit, I’m trying to hide from someone.”

Steph nods, “you might want to lock the door to do that though.”

Jeremy reaches slowly above him and gropes around for the knob until he finds it and fiddles for it for a bit, before giving up and hoping that Rich doesn’t . He rolls onto his knees and crawls across the pearl tiles to the bathtub. He leans against the tub with his knees to his chest. Steph is still on her knees at the toilet. She asks, “do you have any gum?”

He shakes his head. She sighs and lays her head on the toilet. It’s a bit gross, but Jeremy is too busy trying to calm his twitching eye to state his opinion. Some time passes, and he can tell because there’s a clock on the wall.

Jeremy asks, “are you throwing up?”

Steph shakes her head.

“Then why did you ask for gum?”

“I was throwing up.”

“So what are you doing now?”

“Dry heaving.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

Steph shrugs and lifts her head off the toilet. She slowly stands up and stretches her legs. Swaying her hips, Steph says to Jeremy, “I’m gonna stretch now. I heard that stretching is good for a person when they’re drunk.”

Tilting his head, Jeremy replies, “where’s the science behind that?”

She ignores him and continues to touch her toes and swing her hips. Jeremy stares at the floor and drums a beat with his nails against the tub behind him. He has the other hand in his lap. Steph stops stretching and decides to crouch in front of him. “Hey kiddo.”

Jeremy giggles,”heyo.”

She falls on her butt and leans forward, gesturing with her finger for him to lean forward. Doing as told, Jeremy juts his chin out for extra effect. Steph whispers, “wanna know my darkest secret?”

Jeremy nods, dazed at her pretty eyes. She stretches her right leg out, and pulls her harem pants up. All up and down her leg, are cuts.

He really can’t take his eyes away. The only thing he gets out is, “dude…”

She nods her head. “Yep.”

“Why?”

Steph shrugs and pulls her pants back down, “you know, the usual, teen angst bullshit.”

He doesn’t take his eyes off of her leg, even though it’s now covered by bright blue fabric. He feels guilty, very guilty now. And he doesn’t how to deal with it. Jeremy’s chest is getting tighter. He’s gonna cry. Holy shit he’s gonna cry.

But before he can cry, he manages to get out this: “I have a secret online relationship with someone who goes to school with us and I think I’m in love with them and a guy who knows two very personal things about me blackmailed me with images of our emails for weeks and only deleted them not that long ago.” Then he bursts into tears.

Steph stays frozen to the spot completely. Jeremy lets the tears wrack out as he coughs and chokes on his air, barely managing to wipe away even half of his tears. Steph must be disgusted.

She stands up and Jeremy thinks that it’s good that she won’t see what a mess he is. But instead she grabs a washcloth and runs water over it. She sits next to him and pulls his hands away as she wipes off his face. Jeremy heaves as she shushes him, and it feels kinda nice. Steph places her hand against his forehead. “Dude, your hot as hell...what’re you on?”

“...Ecstasy.”

“Ok then…You need to cool down, and your shirt isn’t helping.” She stays quiet for a minute before grabbing his shirt and pulling up. It only takes a second for Jeremy to react but when he does, both of them become very upset.

He screams at the top of his lungs and scrambles back. Steph stands up quickly and apologizes loudly, but Jeremy doesn’t care anymore. She saw his binder. She saw his binder. And he’s so sweaty and hot. And it’s too loud and he can’t stop crying.

The next thing he knows is the door is being opened and a very familiar voice yells, “Jeremy?”

Someone is in front of him and pushing his hair out of his face in seconds. Jeremy looks up and meets eyes with Michael. Jeremy sobs and falls into Michael’s arms. He continues to sob as Michael asks, “what happened man?” Jeremy tries to get words out, but he chokes on them.

Steph speaks up, “he’s on ecstasy. It makes you really emotional. Take him home.” Then she’s gone.

Michael lets Jeremy cry for a moment before asking, “hey man, I can’t carry you out, you gotta walk with me, then we can go back to my place.”

Like a child Jeremy asks, “will it be quiet?”

“Of course. My parents and grandma should be asleep.”

Jeremy isn’t sobbing anymore, just letting tears down his face. “Ok, let’s go.”

Michael helps Jeremy to his feet. They walk into the hallway, Michael’s arm around Jeremy’s waist tightly. They walk down the stairs and run into Rich, who looks incredibly relieved. “Jeremy! I was so worried! Are you ok?”

Michael shakes his head, and Rich nods. He says. “I’ll see you guys later,” then walks away.

Jeremy staggers out, “my jacket, it’s on the couch.”

“It’s in my hand buddy.”

Jeremy looks. It indeed is.

They both walk out of the house and Jeremy asks, “hey, what about Brooke?”

Michael chuckles. “I think she’s having some fun with Les.”

“The guy on the football team?”

“Yep.”

“Good for her.”

“I know right.” Michael turns them both down the street and stops as Jeremy slowly starts leaning more and more on Michael. He says, “ok, piggyback time.” Jeremy rolls his eyes, But Michael gives him a look. “Take one while you can get one.”

So Jeremy climbs onto Michael’s back and gets a free ride all the way back to the Mell household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kinda all over the place, but I'm impressed with myself. Things are gonna get crazy from here. Sorry for not being very consistent. Leave a comment and/or kudos!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Some pretty transphobic shit, sobbing

It took Jeremy a while to wake up. Mostly from the ecstasy, but also because whatever he is sleeping on is the softest thing ever. He must be on Michael’s bed.

  


Jeremy lazily openness his eyes to the soft purple glow illuminating the basement from the window. Michael got dark purple curtains for his birthday one year when he decided to go ‘emo.’ It was the only part of the phase that stayed with Michael.

  


Tilting his head downward, Jeremy smiles at the silky-smooth and soft winter blanket. It’s one that's been in the Mell household for years. It's gotta be at least an inch thick. It's got a dark blue and gray sky with lightning, but the main attraction is the shiny, gray Pegasus, extending its wings proudly. After Michael's dad died, Jeremy and Michael would take it outside to lay on while looking at the stars. It means a lot to Michael.

  


Smiling to himself, Jeremy stretches his arms and legs by reaching downward before relaxing his muscles and laying limp in Michael’s bed. Only a few moments later, he turns to see if anyone else is in the room. No one. The couch has a blanket bunched up on it though. Michael slept there, and gave the bed to Jeremy. Jeremy rolls onto his back and stares blankly at the ceiling. He's got a headache, but it's just a dull pain in his forehead.

  


And as if his entire family’s voice just screamed at him, he remembers his binder. Jeremy's eyes go wide. He reaches up to the bottom of his chest and feels the edge. Jeremy sighs. Right, he wasn’t really binding with an actual binder last night. It was just a slightly tight sports bra. Not constrictive at all. He still calls it a binder though, because it was binding for him. Do other trans people do this? He really doesn't know that many trans people.

  


Although, he should take it off. Jeremy's technically got nurse approval from Heidi that he can wear it and not have any damage, but it could leave marks, and ain't nobody got time for that. Jeremy lazily rolls out of bed and trudges to the bathroom on the other side of the room. He quickly changes and falls right back into Michael's bed, hugging Michael’s pillow that smells like his shampoo and closing his eyes.

  


Jeremy keeps his eyes closed but he's definitely awake now. He turns towards the wall and sighs. Last night was...interesting, to say the least. He should apologize for coming onto Rich, and he should apologize for running away from Michael. And he should probably confront Stephanie about what happened last night. That's gonna be an awkward conversation. He probably has more stuff to talk about though, half of the night was a complete blur. He barely remembers what he said to Rich, other than the embarrassing stuff about them  _ doing it _ . Was Christine there? Did he talk to Connor?

  


Oh shit.

  


Is Jared ok?

  


A lot runs through Jeremy's head, but ultimately, he decides that no one deserves to suffer alone. Jeremy sends a text to Jared asking if he's ok. It's not much, barely anything if he's being honest, but it's probably better than what Jared’s dealing with right now. He only had to glance at Instagram before texting him. The video of him asking Zoe out is the first thing in his feed.

  


Jeremy turns onto his back. He checks the time. 10:34. He should get up now, otherwise Mrs.Darna and Mrs.Tina are going to tease him even more than they usually do. He rolls out of the bed, but takes his time standing up, not wanting to get dizzy and throw up. For some reason, the Mells are all early birds. Michael says that Mrs.Darna wakes up at eight o’clock everyday, on the dot. Jeremy on the other hand is a very late sleeper, like most people. So whenever he sleeps over, he walks into their living to always be greeted by a “good afternoon Jeremiah” from one of Michael's moms. He's pretty embarrassed about it. Brooke gets different treatment though. Michael's moms like to say, “sleeping beauty is awake!” Brooke hates it, but at least she gets a compliment out of it.

  


Jeremy grabs a tshirt and basketball shorts from Michael's drawers and quickly changes before making his way up the stairs to the ground floor. Michael's got a really nice house, which consists of a huge basement, that Michael usually gets all to himself, a big kitchen, living room, back porch, front porch, and not to mention a huge room. Jeremy likes hanging out here because he loves the Mells, but also because the place is so nice. (Even though Michael can make quite a mess).

  


He walks into the living room and sits next to Michael, who is watching some soap opera with Mrs.Darna, who is on the love seat adjacent to them. She turns her head towards him and smiles, “good afternoon Jeremiah.”

  


Jeremy ducks his head and feels his cheeks blush. Michael asks, “have you had anything to eat?” After Jeremy shakes his head, Michael tells him as if he's stupid, “well, go get something to eat, dummy.”

  


Standing up, Jeremy heads over to their pantry and grabs a box of Fruit Loops. He eats at the counter and watches the soap opera blankly, not really taking in the show. He finishes eating and puts his bowl in the dish washer. Apparently Mrs.Darna heard this, because she turns to Michael and says, “Jeremy can load his own dishes, why can't you?”

  


“Mom!”

  


“It’s an innocent question!”

  


They go back and forth for a bit, and Jeremy sits and listens with a smile on his face because they are super funny. He waves when Mrs.Tina comes in the room. “Oh, hi Jeremy? What're you doing here?”

  


Jeremy glances away as Mrs.Tina walks to the fridge, but gladly Michael answers for him. “We went to a party yesterday and it was pretty late when we left. Plus we were both tired, so Jeremy just slept over.” Michael winks at Jeremy while neither of his moms are looking. Jeremy smirks and shakes his head. Lying to his moms seems a bit too natural for Michael.

  


Mrs.Tina pours herself a glass of iced tea. “Well, that was smart, but you two? Went to a party? Was it one of those D and D things?”

  


Jeremy and Michael chuckle. Jeremy replies, “no it wasn't, it was a party with a whole bunch of popular people who actually can do stuff with their lives.”

  


“Hey! I played D and D all throughout college! I will  _ not _ have anyone insulting it under my roof!” Mrs.Darna yells over her soap opera. Mrs.Tina rolls her eyes and gives her wife the stink eye.

  


She leans against the island that Jeremy is sitting at and asks, “your dad told me that your stepbrother came back for the holidays. How is he?”

  


“Oh Evan's actually doing pretty good, all things considered. He doesn't have  _ that  _ many friends, but he knows enough people to not be lonely.”

  


Michael asks, “what's he majoring in?”

  


Jeremy scratches his head, “veterinarian stuff, I’m not sure what it's specifically called.”

  


They talk for a bit before Jeremy decides that he should probably get back home. Michael offers to drive him, but Jeremy wants to walk, he doesn't live that far away. He grabs his clothes and heads back home.

  


***

  


On the way back Jeremy sent Michael a thank you text for not letting his dad or Heidi know about his lack of sobriety. They definitely would have grounded him.

  


The next hour was pretty boring. Jeremy watched an episode of Big Bang Theory, and pulled out a book for English that he had to read. He only got through half a chapter before he got a text from...Chloe?

  


_ Chloe: look at the school tumblr page _

  


Jeremy doesn't think much of it as he exits the app and swipes through the few pages on his iPhone and clicking on the Tumblr app.

  


Looking back, he wishes he would’ve thought more about it before he opened up the app. He wishes that he took a second to brace for what was coming. How could he not of thought that something was off? Chloe of all people had texted him. Why did no one else contact him? No one closer to him? Zoe? Brooke? Christine? Michael? He barely knows Chloe, and yet she was the one that showed Jeremy what had happened while he was asleep. What was posted at 8 am on a cool Sunday morning. He eventually figured out why Chloe told him. Why she ripped the safety net from under him. It was because they were scared. They all knew before him, and no one reached out to him for hours. Had Chloe not texted him he might’ve not known until he got back from school.

  


Maybe all of that added to how much it hurt. The fact that no one knew what to say, or knew how to say or wanted to say anything. Had his best friends that he’s known since he moved to this town seen it the moment it came out? Did Michael know about it before Jeremy woke up? He knows they never meant to hurt him, and he'll never tell them that they did, but it's a lingering piece of the stupid, stupid puzzle of ‘How Jeremy's Life got Torn out of his Hands in less than 45 Words.’

  


So Jeremy opens the app, not aware of how vulnerable he is, and reads the anonymous post on the school's student-made Tumblr page.

  


_ ‘DEAR STUDENTS OF MIDDLEBOROUGH HIGH, I, JEREMY HEERE, WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT. I AM NOT A MALE, I HAVE NO PENIS. JUST A PUSSY AND SOME TITS. DONT WORRY THOUGH, I WONT BE MAICAN U LOOK AT THEM, UNLESS U WANT TO ;)’ _

  


Jeremy stares. And stares. And stares and stares and stares for a  _ long time _ . He really doesn't know what to do. He can't look away. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion, but the damage is already done. The post has more than a thousand notes on it.

  


It hurts. In his chest, in his stomach, in his face for the pained expression he's been holding for too long. In his throat and in his heart. The air he's breathing feels tight and wound up. Jeremy doesn't cry. Not yet. It's happening too fast.

  


He once read that when someone is emotionally distressed, their brain doesn't know what to do, because it can't find the source of pain. So it make the person's body hurt. It's usually the stomach and chest that hurt the most, but if the person is distressed enough, it can hurt everywhere. That's what's happening to Jeremy right now.

  


Practically everyone in the school follows this page.  _ Everyone  _ in the whole goddamn school. If someone doesn't see it on here they'll see it reposted on a page on Instagram. If they don't see it there their friend will text them. If no one texts them then they'll see it at school.

  


Jeremy is afraid of clicking, but he's already moving the mouse so he feels like he can't stop. He clicks on the notes at the bottom of the post and scrolls through what people are saying.

  


_ ‘Holy shit really?’ _

  


_ ‘U can never tell with ppl anymore, I thought that it was pretty easy to tell if they were trans or not’ _

  


_ ‘Wow real mature post’ _

  


_ ‘Fucking transphobic asshole’ _

  


_ ‘lol can I actually contact her though?’ _

  


_ ‘who the hell posted this?’ _

  


_ ‘I knew it’ _

  


_ ‘^what u talking about u don't even know jeremh’ _

  


_ ‘What's her name then?’ _

  


_ ‘Clearly Jeremy or whatever they go by didnt post this, so the question is, who took a peak down their pants?’ _

  


_ ‘all the guys in theatre r pussybous,,,’ _

  


_ ‘How the fuck do you report a post.’ _

  


Jeremy scrolls through it all, and only halfway through he can't handle it. He closes the app and places his phone on his nightstand. He closes the door and locks it. Jeremy sits on his bed and thinks. He's still not crying.

  


Jared Kleinman. Blackmailed him with his sexuality for too long. He played with Jeremy. Made him think that everything was equal now. Jeremy was so terrified of people knowing that he was attracted to more than one gender, he was scared of being treated the way Michael is sometimes in the halls. He was so scared of not being able to come out how and when and where he wanted to.

  


He never even thought about Jared outing him as trans. Sure, it made Jeremy feel weird because Jared was the only person to know both of his identities, but he never thought that Jared would do anything like that.

  


Not to mention in such a crude manor.

  


Jeremy should've seen it coming. Jared is just  _ that  _ kind of person. The kind of person who offers up another student’s  _ body _ in an anonymous post to a school Tumblr page. The kind who feels like they need to inform an entire school that one of their students doesn't have the  _ correct private parts. _

  


That's when Jeremy starts crying. He grips the bed tightly. He leans forward and let's the tears fall out of his squeezed-shut eyes. He takes deep breaths, trying to not cough and start full-on sobbing.

  


And  _ to think _ , that Jeremy thought of Jared when the video of him asking out Zoe was posted. Was that why he posted it? As a distracter? Jeremy shakes his head. Nothing excuses Jared for what he did.

  


And  _ the nerve _ he has, to make that goddamn Jamaica pun! What if Jamaica sees this? Will they know? Will they stop talking to Jeremy? Will they tell him to never email them again? God, Jared just screwed up  _ everything. _

  


Jeremy sobs. 

  


***

  


Later Heidi and his dad approach the door, but tells them to go away. He doesn't want any pizza or to talk. They knock again at around eight and tell him that Michael and Brooke are here. Jeremy takes a minute to unlock the door, but when he does, Brooke comes flying at him with the tightest and warmest hug he's had in a while. Her hair falls onto his shoulders as she wraps herself tightly around him. Jeremy hugs back, and they stay there for a minute. Brooke doesn't say anything, neither does Jeremy. Michael stands in the doorway. He also looks speechless.

  


Brooke soon pulls away, but she puts her hands on Jeremy's face instead. She looks him dead in the eyes, looking very stern. She says, “you, are the bravest man I have ever met.”

  


Jeremy looks down and gives the floor a watery smile. Michael hugs him as well. It doesn't last as long, but it feels just as warm. Jeremy pulls away first and goes to sit on his bed. Brooke sits next to him and Michael sits on the floor at his feet. They're closer to him than usual, which makes sense because right now isn't a usual hang out.

  


They fill the air with silence for a bit. Jeremy can tell that neither of them really know what to say. Brooke probably tried to plan what she was gonna say beforehand, maybe she even wrote it down. Michael never thinks about what he's gonna say beforehand, it just comes out. Jeremy on the other hand, feels as though he should be screaming a million words, all of them wouldn't make him feel better, but maybe he could get angry enough to push away the pain.

  


He could yell about how unfair it is. How no one has a right to take a person's identity from them. How, how, how- Jeremy  _ deserves _ to have people view  _ him _ the way  _ he _ wants them to…

  


Jeremy is curled up in the corner of his bed now. He's crying again. The pillow is getting soaked by his tears. Michael holds his hand and Brooke rubs his back. Jeremy doesn't bother trying to muffle his sobs. He coughs deeply, and takes a deep breath back in, but he chokes on something - probably his own spit - and starts really coughing. He lets out disgusting sounds as he struggles to breath.

  


Brooke helps him sit up as he continues to cough. Jeremy lets out his last bellowing cough before regaining his breath. His throat feels foreign as he heaves. Michael moves up to the bed with them, so Jeremy is sandwiched between them. He stares at his hands in his lap.

  


“He, he- uh, he  _ took _ it from me.”

  


Brooke softly asks, “who took what Jeremy?”

  


Jeremy raises his shoulders, tensing up as if he is about to smash something and bites back, “ _ everything _ , he took  _ everything _ from me. My chance to come out, my identity, the way I'm viewed by  _ everyone _ , my  _ life _ that I  _ made _ for myself when I moved here.” He's shaking now.

  


Michael gives him another hug, pulling Jeremy into his embrace. Brooke joins the hug. It all feels a bit repetitive. Michael says, “I'm so sorry Jeremy.”

  


They state there for some time. If Jeremy listens close, he can hear them breathing together.

  


Jeremy wiggles out of the hug and sits in his desk chair. He flicks a colored pencil to the other side of the desk. Michael and Brooke stay on the bed. Brooke puts her hair up in a ponytail. Michael looks a bit uncomfortable. He opens and closes his mouth for a second before asking, “why didn't you tell us?”

  


Jeremy raises an eyebrow. Michael shakes his head, “no, I mean like, you never had to tell me. It's definitely not a requirement or anything because you deserve to tell who you want to.”

  


Blinking, Jeremy tilts his head and asks, “you're asking why I didn't tell you that I'm...trans?”

  


Michael nods his head. “I don't want to pressure you, but I just wanna know if I didn't make you comfortable to be open or something-”

  


Jeremy starts laughing. He leans over and clutches his stomach as he laughs. Oh god Michael didn't  _ know _ . He was so sure that he and Brooke had figured it out that he never bothered telling them. How did Michael not know? Jeremy looks at Brooke, who is giving Michael the ‘you truly are an idiot’ look.

  


Michael looks confused and slightly scared as Jeremy gets the rest of his giggles out. Jeremy snorts before telling him, “the reason that I never told you was because I assumed that you already figured it out.”

  


Michael's jaw falls open. He looks at Brooke, who rolls her eyes and says, “how could you not notice? I mean, Jeremy can be pretty good at hiding stuff, but I mean, he always changed in the bathroom when we had sleep-overs, and he changed in the nurse’s office for P.E.-”

  


“I still do.”

  


“And I mean, no offense Jeremy, but you're always adjusting your binder. It's hard to not notice sometimes. But that's only because I'm so close to you.”

  


Jeremy smiles and waves her off, “nah it's ok. I trust both of you too much to be nervous about you noticing that.”

  


Michael blinks and shakes his head. “I'm an idiot.”

  


“It's ok Michael, it really doesn't matter, “Jeremy nudges him with his heel. “I shouldn't have assumed that you already knew. Sorry for not telling you.”

  


Michael shakes his head. “Sorry for being so unobservant.”

  


A buzzing goes off and they all look over at the source. Someone is calling Jeremy's phone. Michael picks it up. “It's Christine.” He hands it to Jeremy.

  


“Hey Chris.”

  


“Hey Jeremy. I just, I saw the post. I just wanna say I swear on all things good that I did not post it.”

  


Jeremy shakes his head, “I know Christine. I already know who posted it. But thank you for calling.”

  


“If it's any consolation, I reported the post. It'll be down soon.” She sounds really upset. It's hard to tell over the phone, but she might've been crying as well. It doesn't surprise Jeremy that much, Chris is a very empathetic person.

  


“Thanks, really. I honestly didn't even think about you when I saw it, there's no way you could do anything like that. You're the sweetest person I know.”

  


Christine giggles. “Thanks Jere. How are you? Do you need a friend? A hug?”

  


“Nah, Michael and Brooke already came over. But I wouldn't mind a hug tomorrow.”

  


“I'll make sure to give you one.” She pauses for a second. “Are you going to, talk to the person who posted it? Or like, report them?”

  


Jeremy looks down. “It won't solve anything. Maybe he'll get expelled, but the damage is already done. There's nothing I can do to him.”

  


“Do you wanna tell me who it is?”

  


Jeremy sighs. That would honestly feel great, to tell Christine and everyone who posted it. Jared would be shamed by everyone, including Zoe. Even though Zoe and Jared are probably never gonna hang out ever again… Jeremy shakes his head. He doesn't want Jared to be brought up in any of their conversations anymore. Jeremy doesn't want that little runt to be treated any different than he was before the blackmail fiasco started. So he replies, “no, not really.”

  


“That's ok.”

  


Jeremy glances over at Michael and Brooke. They're patiently waiting for the call to end. Jeremy says, “hey, I'm gonna go now.”

  


“Ok, cool. See you on Monday Jeremy.”

  


“See ya.”

  


He hangs up and places his phone on the desk. Brooke asks, “what was that about?”

  


Jeremy scratches his head, “it was Christine calling to tell me that she didn't post it.”

  


Brooke looks a bit stunned for a minute. “You told her?”

  


He nods. Brooke bites her cheek and looks away. Michael and him give her a weird look. She almost looks, jealous? Jeremy brushes it off.

  


“You guys want pizza?”

  


Michael nods and stands up. Brooke follows the two boys out of the room. In the hallway, Michael stops and asks, “are you gonna tell your dad and Heidi?”

  


Jeremy shakes his head. “Not yet.”

  


“Jeremy I really think that-”

  


“I don't want to tell them right now.” Michael sighs and continues walking. They all head downstairs and grab some pizza.


	20. Emails

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Jan 4 at 12:39 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: kill me

Jamaica,

English class is going to be the actual death of me. Seriously. I feel like everything I'm reading has absolutely no meaning behind it, it sounds like every famous author was a drunk and just wrote dine the stupidest words they could think of. I can't do it. I'm done. I think we should meet and you should murder me, then I can turn into one of those safety videos about not meeting strangers in the internet.

Love,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Jan 4 at 1:34 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: kill me

Xander,

I'm very sorry to tell you that I will not be killing you any time soon. Sorry to disappoint.

Yeah, I've got a sucky English teacher as well. Plus the fact that I'm really not that good at English in the first place. Like, a couple days ago, I said, "you was in a nice car."

Yeah it was pretty embarrassing.

Sorry that the emails have been getting shorter. It feels like everything happening so much faster. I mean, first day back, and I'm already swamped with homework. I think that my teachers enjoy seeing tear stains on students homework... And no one can tell me I'm wrong about that.

Love,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Jan 6 at 7:45 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: kill me

Jamaica,

I am very tired as well, so don't feel to bad about yourself.

And please, short emails? You sent me a 3 page email a week ago about your little sister's date with "Ethan." Don't give me that BS. If I'm being honest, I'm the one who has short emails AND responds late. I know that it's not supposed to mean anything but... I don't know.

Anyway, yes, I can confirm that teacher enjoy seeing tears on homework.

Also turns out my brother is the coolest person ever and joined a club? I mean like, you don't know him, obviously, but this is like the biggest thing that's happened in the history of forever. My stepmom freaked out so much, and there was no one to calm her because my dad and I were also freaking out. (In a good way, like we were really happy for him.)

Apparently it's a group that has creative baking competitions and bake sales and all that kind of stuff. He brought home a cupcake made by another guy in the group, and it was heavenly. I swear to god.

Love,  
Xander

 

FROM: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
TO: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
DATE: Jan 10 at 3:47 pm  
SUBJECT: Re: wtf we haven't talked in 4 days

Xander,

Give. Me. The. Cupcake.

Honestly I'm super starving right now but I'm saving it for a big dinner tonight so... I guess I'll just suffer.

And don't blame me for being excited about my sister. She's the best thing in the whole wide universe. Right before you.

Hey, did you see the post on the school Tumblr page. I mean, poor Jeremy. Whoever posted that deserves to like, be expelled. No one's privacy/identity should be exposed like that. I reported the post, but, God knows how many people have seen it and talked about it. Jeremy's gonna have it pretty rough at school tomorrow...

It kinda scared me, a bit. Like, what if I'm outed? In some way? So, I thought on it for like, 5 minutes, and I came out to my parents.

It went incredibly well. Of course, I had to explain what pansexual meant, and of course my sister was like, "are you attracted to pans?" But, it ended in a group hug and everything. My dad offered to help me set up a Grindr account. Which was, awkward as hell because he thought it was like, gay Facebook? I don't even know.

But, yeah. I'm officially out to my family, and it's so amazing. Thank you, for all the encouraging words. I wouldn't have ever had the courage to say anything if you weren't so supportive. The post kinda scared me into telling them, but, you encouraged me, not scared me. Thank you.

Love,  
Jamaica

 

FROM: TransitionsAreMyForte@yahoo.com  
TO: PopularPopcorn@hotmail.com  
DATE: Jan 11 at 3:45 am  
SUBJECT: Re: wtf we haven't talked in 4 days

Jamaica,

That's great! Really, it was all you not me.

Sorry for the short reply, I just, don't have much energy right now.

Love,  
Xander


End file.
